A Spring of Joy

Thursday was a hard day. My body is adjusting to all the new meds I’m on with my chemo. Some of you have asked what it looks like. 

Here’s the rundown: I’m on three treatments. Every three weeks I go to the hospital for a chemo treatment. At home I take a chemo orally for two weeks on and one week off. And at home I take an immunotherapy drug every day with no breaks. 

I’ll have an MRI in a couple weeks to see if they’re working. Panic and anxiety have been constant companions as I’ve struggled to heal and return to any normalcy from the surgery. Y’all my brain isn’t working right, and I’m constantly struggling to put words and sentences together. I’ve cried and I’ve raged and l’ve sat quiet under His hand.

Yet through it all my eyes are on Him, because ultimately it’s daily choosing to live to declare the works of the Lord even when i know that the words terminal mean my body will one day be decimated by disease. It’s scary to face, yet it’s still praying for healing and it’s a ruthless trust. It’s choosing the joy of the Lord and not my circumstances to be my strength. That no matter where I stand, He has stood there before.

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.

Prayer needs for this week: eyes to see and a heart of trust as I prepare for upcoming MRI. The knowledge of what I’ll be going through brings up past trauma. And please pray for a good report. I don’t have an exact date yet but will let y’all know when I do. Thank you, friends, for your encouragement, prayers and support.