A Quiet Heart

Brian and I are overwhelmed by the love, prayers, support and encouragement we have received these last few weeks. We are well-loved and well-cared for and so thankful for all of you—our friends and family! I am up and around a bit more today, but I still fatigue easily and am experiencing a good bit of pain after the follow-up appointment yesterday. Most of the pain is my emotional pain, though, as I struggle with the questions, the fears, the doubts, the hurt of all of this…

One of my favorite books is Keep A Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot, and as I’ve wrestled with my faith and what I truly believe, I keep coming back to how resting in Jesus can quiet my heart. I’ve pondered just what exactly it means to have a quiet heart, so please bear with my meandering thoughts as I try to pour them out.

Keep a quiet heart. “The Lord will keep you from all harm—He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 127:7-8) It’s protection. I’m to protect and guard my heart from being bogged down with the tyranny of expectations, from the lies of Satan, from false guilt and fear. I see all the ways God has blessed me, and I ask myself if I truly believe that He is sovereign in the midst of pain? Am I willing for God to say “no” in my life? Do I believe that He has my best at heart even when I can’t see it? Have I kept my heart?

Keep a quiet heart. John Newton says, “With Christ in the vessel, I smile at the storm.” So often I think of the word quiet as what it is not. Not loud, not boisterous, not proud, not drawing attention to one’s self. But then I look at it for what it is–calm, peaceful, well… quiet. Keep a calm and peaceful heart believing that God is good all the time.

Keep a quiet heart. The very core of who I am–my will, strength and emotions. For what am I longing? I’d be lying to say that top of my list is not a longing for health and healing… for this to all go away. But deeper than that, I am longing for peacefulness. I want to be characterized by a heart of unfailing trust in my God. Even before our life fell apart 3 weeks ago, I had been struggling with feeling like all the little things in life had been crumbling around me. I’m feeling cluttered—not only in the physical realm of my home, but also in my relationships… my walk with God, my marriage, my friendships. It made me feel restless, discouraged and down. Yet my heart needs to be focused. I want to see God for Who He is and myself for who I am. I want to see life for what it is… this gift for this day.

So I ask you to pray for me… for my heart to find rest and salvation in God only. Pray that I would see God for Who He is—my Father who loves me more than I believe. I’m struggling to accept His love right now. Yet He is so faithful to give me glimpses of Himself every day, even if it’s only in the smile of my children or the arms of my husband. I am weak. My faith is so small. My heart is not quiet. I need the body of Christ to be those things for me right now… for us.

We have been surrounded by love and prayer, and we are overwhelmed… in such a good way. We beg you to continue to pray. I know that our God is big and that He could speak one word and my cancer could be gone completely and I could be healed. My struggle is believing that He loves me that much… would He really do that for me? I have had moments of stillness. I have wept. I have begged. I have struggled to believe. We continue to need you to be our hands, our feet, our mouths and our heart when we are too weak to believe. So I ask you to please lift us up on Tuesday as I go in for the scan–that the cancer would not have spread. And that if it has, that I would believe that God still loves me.

II Samuel 22:20 says, “He also brought me forth into a broad place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.” The part of that verse that speaks to me is not the “rescue” part. It’s the “delight” part. Just pray that I would feel His delight no matter what happens in the course of the next few weeks. Pray for my heart. For quiet. For peace.

We love each of you, and we are humbled by your love.

4 responses to “A Quiet Heart”

  1. Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is with you; the might One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you.” That is my prayer for you Angie. that you would believe these things. that i would believe these things too 🙂

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  2. My sweet and precious friend,

    It is 11:00 and I thought I would check the blog one more time before I went to bed. I am so thankful I did…..because what I found, to no surprise, is the heart of a beautiful woman of God who is willing to be honest with her struggles, asking and thinking the very same thoughts that have ran through the minds and hearts of all who love you so deeply.

    Not quite ready to go to bed just yet, I retrieved a DVD you gave me a while ago of Asher’s first year of life. Through my tears, I enjoyed watching you delight in every moment over your son. Your heart of overwhelming love for your children has always been one of many ways you have brought much glory to the Lord. My prayer for you tonight as you fall asleep in Jesus’ arms is that you may know that The Lord, your God is with you. He is mighty to save. The Lord will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love.

    Delighting with our Lord over you,
    Beth

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  3. Dearest Angie,

    Words simply cannot express the sorrow we feel for you in these days. We are praying for you & Brian & the children, your parents, too! I enjoyed so much reading your “Quiet Heart”. How much we all need these things, too! It can’t be easy going through what you are, but we know our God is big & like you said He can heal you in a moment. That is what I am praying for YOU!!! But I know it is important, too, as you wait, to know the Lord’s love for you and to know a “peace that passeth all understanding.” I will pray that you will trust in Him like never before! I am thinking now of Ps. 23! God does indeed love you and will watch over you to the end.

    Ps. 84:11 “For the Lord God is a sun & shield; the Lord will give grace & glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

    Love you!

    Chanley

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  4. Angie, you continue to be in my prayers. I can imagine that there are times of weariness, loneliness and fear. I was reading this today during my quiet time and wanted to share these thoughts with you praying that God will encourage and strengthen you in this journey that He has you on. Our journey is not like a one hundred yard dash. It is an endurance marathon. Scripture teaches us that some times we soar like eagles and run without growing weary. There are also times in our lives where long, lonely stretches loom before us. At those times, we are doing well just to walk without fainting until we gather more strength. During these times, we are simply learning to take the next step without giving up. Simply enduring sometimes is a major victory that brings glory to God. Keep enduring, hang in there and hang on. You are getting stronger each day, sometimes without you even realizing it. Soon, you will soar again. As Isaiah 40:31 says “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” We love you, Angie, and know God is upholding and sustaining you along His path for your life, bringing glory and praise to His name. Blessings, Angie P.

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