Once again, we are overwhelmed… mostly by God’s faithfulness and goodness to us in placing His hand of protection over us and stopping the cancer from spreading beyond the lymph nodes. We are awed by how He displayed His love for us in answering our prayers and the prayers of our family and friends. We are amazed and humbled by the love y’all have shown us.
I continue to take deep breaths wondering when I will wake up from this nightmare, but then reality hits. It’s like walking into a forest. I look into the tangle of trees and into the black of fear and cancer on the path before me, but He turns my eyes to what is beside me right now, this day. I see the beauty of God’s hand in the detail of the flowers He has planted on the road beside me. There are so many ways He has been in the details of these past few weeks… but even more so yesterday when He showed me over and over again how He cares about every aspect of my life.
I could hardly walk into the surgeon’s office yesterday, but in the beauty of God’s detailed hand, I was comforted by knowing that I was heading into the office of a man who knew Brian and me. A man who would love us and care gently for us no matter what the result of the scan would be. When Dr. Branum walked in the door and uttered those wonderful words, “Your scan is normal. All is clear.” I was overwhelmed with just about every emotion you can imagine, and he sat with us while I cried. In the beauty of God’s detailed hand, I also got the all clear on how well I had healed from surgery, and am under no restrictions—I can lift and hug and hold my children as much as I am physically able. As we left his office, Brian practically had to carry me to the Jeep, I was sobbing so hard. We climbed in and just prayed and thanked God for His mercy to us.
Then, as usual, Bri cranked the music up… favorite worship tunes on his iPod. Out poured one of my personal favorites, Beautiful One, and Bri sang at the top of his lungs while I cried at how the “cross has spoken mercy over me.” We decided to stop by the church office to share God’s glory and rejoice with our friends there. In the beauty of His detailed hand, Burress told us we were singing Beautiful One this Sunday at church, and Lord willing, I get to be there to worship God with this song yet again!
In the beauty of His detailed hand, God chose my Brian for me before time began, because He knew the man I would need to walk through this with me. A man who has loved me so unconditionally, who has protected me from my own mind, who has led me to our God when I struggled with my faith, who has tenderly cared for our children when I couldn’t, who has stood by me even though it wasn’t easy for him, and who never gave up hope.
In the beauty of His detailed hand, last night I rocked my sweet Audrey for the first time in several weeks. She snuggled into my lap and I sang to her the same song I’ve sung to her for 16 months, “All The Way My Savior Leads Me”. Only last night, it held a far deeper meaning than it had before.
In the beauty of His detailed hand, God gave me a little Bear who makes me laugh so much knowing how laughter is one of the best medicines for me. My friend, Kristen, was here last night, sitting on the couch, burning CD’s. Micah came over to her and asked her what she was doing. She told him she was listening to music and asked him if he’d like to listen to something. Our 3-year old pondered a moment, then turned and said, “How about some jazz.” We laughed so hard it hurt, and Kristen shook her head saying, “Only a Davis.”
After putting Audrey down, I sat with my boys while my mom read to them, and Micah came over to snuggle into my lap. Within minutes, his deep breathing let me know that he was asleep, and in the beauty of God’s detailed hand, I held my little man fast asleep in my arms for the first time in weeks.
In the beauty of His detailed hand, God has created my Asher who wears his heart on his sleeve, and last night he looked up at me with those big, brown eyes and put his head on my shoulder, “Mom, I wish you never had a bad spot and got sick.” We talked for a while about how God was taking care of Mommy even though she was sick. Then he asked me, “Will I ever get a bad spot?” How my heart ached for him and all the fear with which he must be struggling. We talked about how we can always go to God with our fears and pray and ask Him. So Ash decided to pray right then… “Grandma!” he called, folding his hands, “I’m going to pray now. You don’t want to miss it.” And he prayed, “Heavenly Father, I pray that you would keep me from getting a bad spot. Thank you that I get to play with Freddy tomorrow. I pray that I would never have a bad spot. And please, heal Mommy until she is all better. Amen.” Then my tender boy went off to bed for a night of sweet dreams.
In the beauty of His detailed hand, God has given us each of you who have walked and striven with us through the past few weeks, and I know you will continue to walk with us down the dark road of chemo and recovery. Psalm 55:18-19a says,
“He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me. For they are many who strive with me. God will hear and answer them.”
God has heard. God has answered. We are so thankful for each and everyone of you. Thank you for striving with us. Rejoice now with us at the beauty of God’s detailed hand.
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