Tuesday, September 25th
Nags Head must be my favorite place on earth—or at least of the places to which I’ve been. We have been waking up every morning to sunshine, sea air, the sound of waves…oh, and the noise of little children. Hearing Audrey cry, “Mom—Meeeeee” at 6:30 in the morning isn’t the most therapeutic, but it’s still wonderful to be here and have time together as a family. The boys are loving it here… especially building their sand castles. It never gets old.
Monday morning found the boys heading out with Daddy and Grandpa to get some “serious shovels” as Micah says. Then the building began. Every day the boys construct huge sand castles, and I have watched their personalities bloom a bit more. Asher is the worker. He will dig and dig with his daddy. Micah has the vision, yelling, “Let’s build more, Dad!” with gusto, then he sits and watches Brian and Asher do all the heavy labor.
I watched Asher defending his sand castle yesterday. We knew the tide was coming in, and Brian had built a massive double moat with them to protect their fort. Inevitably, the water started to overcome. At one point Asher took his shovel, drew a line in the sand in front of the moat, and yelled at the ocean, “You don’t come past here. This is mine. You stay on your side.” I had to laugh at the futility of his actions.
It made me think about how often I do that with God. I lay claim to the things I’ve done in my life drawing my line in the sand and telling God to stay away rather than acknowledging that He has given me everything. I tell God to stay on His side and let me have my life rather than recognizing He is the Giver of all good things, and it is His hand that has enabled me to accomplish anything in my life. God has blessed us with so much, and how eager I am to look to myself and rely on my own abilities.
It has been an escape from reality to be here. The burden doesn’t seem quite so heavy, and I find myself acting like I don’t need God as much here. I lean heavily on my feelings, and when I feel safe, I think I don’t need God. My safety is my line in the sand. I stand before the ocean of God’s will and say, “You don’t come past here. You don’t make me feel insecure.” But insecure is precisely where I need to be… so I will run to Him, cling to Him, depend on Him every day for every breath, not just when I feel like I need Him. And He promises to be there… to be faithful even when I am not.
Yes, it is good to be here… to be with my family, to relax with Brian, to watch my children, and to learn more about myself and my God.