I am a morning person. Unfortunately for me, chemo doesn’t allow me to be. Brian is not a morning person. Unfortunately for him, chemo requires he be one.
This past week has been hard on us both in the mornings. When Audrey’s tiny “Momeeee” wails through the baby monitor, Brian, feeling pretty rough just because of the fact it is morning (he claims it’s not morning if it’s still dark outside), has to get up. That, in itself, is a feat for him. Then he has to change Audrey, get her juice, and get her settled. Thankfully, she’s a snuggler, and she will curl up in Bri’s arms with us for a few minutes before erupting into her day. The boys wake and the quiet morning becomes chaos.
In the midst of it all, Brian has to get ready for work, get the kids fed and dressed, get me fed before any nausea sets in, fix his coffee, pack his lunch and try to wrap his mind around what his day looks like. I, on the other hand, feeling pretty rough from either the lack of sleep or the chemo, have to lie in bed and try to keep my mouth shut. That, in itself, is a feat for me.
Our friend, Joe, describes us perfectly–as Type-A as I am, Brian’s not even a Type-B… he’s a Type-Z. You can imagine how difficult the adjustment to a new way of life is for us. Yet Brian has filled so many of the gaps that I leave, and though he hasn’t done it necessarily the way I would, he has done it well. I am humbled by his heart, even if his brain doesn’t always work in the morning.
It’s easy for me to fall into the trap that this is all about me… my cancer, my chemo, my side effects, my emotional mess. But this is about him, too. He is my provider and protector, and it has to be hard for him to watch his wife suffer and know there is nothing he can do about it. Yet he does it all, just by being here and walking with me.
Although it doesn’t always feel like it, there is so much more to our life than this, and this weekend we celebrated, because last week Brian accepted a new job. As much as he enjoys his job right now, this is a great and well-timed opportunity for us… and it seems God just dropped it into our laps. He’ll start at the end of this month, and at the beginning will unfortunately have to travel during the week. However; we are excited and amazed at how God continues to show Himself abundantly in our lives.
So this is my tribute to Bri… to his heart… to his provision for our family… to his optimism… to his loyalty… to his faithfulness… to his strength… to his sacrifice. And this is my thank you to all those who have stood by him in the midst of our struggles. We are grateful to have you in our lives.
Brian is all I could have ever asked for in a husband, and so much more than I deserve. I love him. There is no more to say.
Friday night I finally had a good night’s sleep… so did Audrey. And Saturday morning, to celebrate, we let Brian sleep in–until 8:00!
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