Every evening there is a ritual in our home. Hearing the healthy purr of Brian’s Jeep, Audrey will drop whatever she’s doing, race to the sliding glass door, scream at the top of her lungs and beat on the glass. She calls to me, points out the window and claps her hands. Daddy is home! Audrey will watch Brian every step of his way to our door. She waits until he leaves his truck, then runs to the window by the steps to watch him walk up… screaming all the time. When Daddy is no longer in sight, Audrey will run to the door and wait for the knob to turn. As soon as it does, the screaming commences again, and Audrey is swept up in a huge bear hug when Brian enters.
The screams have alerted the other troops in our home, and Asher and Micah will run from wherever they have been playing, yelling, “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” They each get their turn with hugs and, “Hey guys”. I watch it all with wonder and amazement while I wait my turn to feel those arms around me. And my heart smiles.
Bri starts his new job tomorrow. We are in a place that is exciting and wonderful and it is so obvious that God has called him there. I am thrilled for him, and I can’t wait to see how God will use him. But I am scared, too. Bri will be in DC for the first part of every week for a while, and this will be the first time we’ve been apart since my diagnosis. Brian is the rock that God has given me to cling to during some very dark times, and I long to have that rock remain with me. All the “what if’s…” start to pour into my mind. What if I have a really rough spell? What if infection sets in and I have to be hospitalized? What if I can’t sleep? Who will hold me when I need to cry? Who will pray with me? Whose shoulder will I lean on for strength?
I know the answers to those questions.. I know that Jesus is my ultimate Rock and He will provide for me. He already has. My parents will be here to help care for us. My friends will surround me. My children will love me. And I know that I will hear Brian’s voice every day on the phone. Even though I know all these things, my heart still hurts thinking about Bri’s absence. I realize even more just how much I love him and want him by my side.
Ronald Reagan once said, “There is nothing more wonderful for a man than to know as he approaches his own doorstep that someone on the other side of that door is listening for the sound of his footsteps.” And Thursday night, I know four someones who will be listening.
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