A Spring of Joy

This has been a roller coaster week for me, and I’ve experienced the height of joy and struggled through the darkness of grief over the course of the past days. It was a wonderful weekend spent with Nat who arrived Thursday and spent a couple days with us intermingled with visits to other friends in the area. Being with Nat is so refreshing. I can be real and honest and vulnerable, and she’s not afraid of any of that. We celebrated Em’s graduation from JMU on Saturday. Now it’s only six weeks until her big wedding celebration. The rejoicing culminated on Sunday night with the ordination service for our youth director, now pastor, Tim. Tim is another dear friend to us, and it was awesome to see God’s faithfulness to direct in his life as he joyfully followed God’s calling. Bri and I were able to be on worship team for Tim’s service, and that only added to the sweetness of the evening for us. Tim is gifted and humble, and it was such a privilege to take part in his celebration.

I overdid it. Completely. Way too much for my body to take. But well worth it. Going into Monday and Tuesday the fatigue became overwhelming and along with it came the grief of a heart-breaking anniversary in our life–the due date of the child we miscarried. It was a day of letting go again and clinging to Christ even when I don’t understand His plans. Those plans included a bone scan yesterday which went well, but left me feeling poorly, and I spent most of the day in bed sleeping off the contrast dye they injected into me. Now comes the waiting and the praying and the hoping for another clear report.

Through it all there is only one place to turn. I cannot just turn to Jesus in the struggle. He is the one who is the real reason for the celebrations. Without Him I wouldn’t have the depth of relationship with Nat, the occasions in Em’s life to look forward to, the shepherding, leadership and friendship of Tim. Without Jesus, I would have nowhere to turn with the pain of heartbreak. Without Him I would wait hopelessly for results of my tests. Without Him I would never have walked through the horrors of the last months. He is enough in this life.

Chris Rice’s Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus) is the story of my life. Simply put, I need Him for every step of my journey, and I know that when my story ends, I will fly to Him and live forever. I love his lyric “Then go in peace and laugh on glory’s side.” What an amazing picture and promise! He offers us everything, and He is there with us every step of the way, be it the pinnacle of joy or the valley of suffering. He is the hope that I am clinging to this week. What are you listening to that brings your focus to Jesus?

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden’s lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don’t be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall…so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can’t contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory’s side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!
(Copyright 2002 Clumsy Fly Music (ASCAP))

Amen and amen! Won’t you run to Jesus today with me, and LIVE?!