Remembering…

Could it really be one year?! This post was originally published on August 11, 2007.

Last night I held my kids a whole lot tighter before they went to bed. As I snuggled with Bear, I thought about how he climbs into bed with us every so often afraid of the monster in the shadows of his room. He’s had a lot of fear for a 3-year old… recurring nightmares about a mean girl dressed in white who comes up from the floor in his room. I’ve held him so many times and told him there’s no such thing as monsters and that even if there were, his Daddy is big and strong and he’d take care of that mean ol’ monster. Then he smiles contentedly and goes off to his room feeling safe for a while.

Yesterday I found out I have breast cancer. Some monsters are real.

Now I’m the one that doesn’t feel safe and fear lurks in every shadow. There are so many unknowns, so many questions, and so much heartache right now. I mostly think about my children and question who will take care of them? My God is so much more capable of taking care of them and He loves them infinitely more than I ever could. Yet they’re His gift to me, and I love being their mom. Then I realize that taking care of them and caring for them are two totally different things. Even if I’m too sick or too tired to pick them up, fix their supper, play with them, I’ll never stop caring for them…and they will know that.

Already, I’ve seen God working in so many of the details of this past week, and I’m thankful. I’m mostly thankful for my Brian–for his strength that has held me up when mine has given out, for his arms that hug so well, for his mouth whispering prayers and encouragement to me, for his unconditional love that has sat through hospital rooms and procedures when I know he hates being in that environment, for his faith and his ability to take it one day at a time, for his smile and laugh that is so contagious, for his heart for our kids and being with them through this, too. He, too, is my gift from God.

I am afraid. I am weak. I am tired. Yet I have peace… at least today I do. Tomorrow may be a different story, but I’m learning to take it one day at a time. Yes, my monster is very real and big and ugly and very scary, but my God is bigger and stronger and I’m clinging to that. And right now I have a beautiful little redheaded girl holding out a book to me, so I’m going to go care for my daughter. I do love being a mom!

Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.
Look to the LORD and his strength;
seek his face always.
Remember the wonders he has done…
(I Chronicles 16:8-12a)

5 responses to “Remembering…”

  1. Praise God for His goodness and His strength! What a year!

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  2. Dear friend,

    I woke this morning and your “anniversary” was my first thought. I praise God today for the ways He has kept and sustained you through the past year, knowing He is in control of every cell in your body and believing He who has begun a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! I love you so dearly.

    Moni K

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  3. Dearest Angie,

    How He has glorified Himself over and over again in and through you precious life! I along with many, many others are so grateful for the healing and redemption He has done and for your humility to share your joys and struggles with us, all that we may know His heart even more! I am thankful we can celebrate on THIS August 10th , knowing He has done marvelous things, things planned long ago.

    We love you so much and are thanking the Lord for His great mercies!
    Dale, Beth, and Baby Z 🙂

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  4. Melissa Bruining Teeter Avatar
    Melissa Bruining Teeter

    Angie,

    How wonderful to see you (briefly) this morning. You looked beautiful. . . I love you and am proud of you. . . and hope I can see you again soon!!! ( I need to get to Harrisonburg more often. It was good to be “home.”)

    Melissa

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  5. I rejoice with you at what God has done and continues to do in you and through you over the past year! HIS mercies are new every morning! I have walked for the past 7 years on a team for Relay for Life, with the American Cancer Society! It is such an amazing experience to see the survivors and fighters walk the first lap around the track, with their banners on! Every year they have luminaries around the track that you can purchase in memory of a survivor or someone you’ve lost to cancer and they are lit after dark. This year my dear friend there is a Gold one with your name on it! I hope to take a picture and share it with you. Love and prayers, Rochelle

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