As you wait upon the Lord, you learn to see things from His perspective, move at His pace, and function under His directives. Waiting times are growing times and learning times. As you quiet your heart, you enter His peace; as you sense your weakness you receive His strength; as you lay down your will, you hear His calling. When you mount up, you are being lifted by the wind of His Spirit; when you move ahead, you are sensitive to His timing; when you act, you give yourself only to the thing He has asked you to do.
I continue to wait, and the discouragement threatens to overwhelm as I seek answers, yet find none. We met with my surgeon today, and I am going in for a CT Scan on Monday. Next Wednesday I will find out the results and we will move on from there. Best case scenario, the nodule could be one of my para-thyroid glands has enlarged or it could be scar tissue from my thyroidectomy 10 years ago. If that’s the case, then he’ll do a para-thyroid scan and we’ll treat from there. If there’s nothing conclusive in the CT Scan, then he’s talking thyroid scan and needle biopsy (ultrasound-guided).
This is where the confusion comes in. My endocrinologist is of the opinion that if there is a nodule in my neck it needs to come out no matter what, so why put me through the scan and biopsy? My surgeon seems to think that the nodule can stay as long as it’s not cancerous. I; however, want it out of my body. Nothing good seems to be in my body these days, and I am concerned.
So needless to say I have a bunch of questions… no answers. I am fearful, especially of a barrage of tests and scans and let me just tell you, the needle biopsy is excruciating. Picture a 4 inch needle into your neck with no anesthesia. (All you faint of heart can pick yourselves up off the floor now, I’m done.)
My heart is heavy. I am emotionally drained, especially since I talked with my sweet friends Beth, Moni (she sent me the above quote) and Nat today and they are all so far away and I long for their “present” support. It is a growing and learning time… God’s not done with me yet. I long to learn more of Him through this, because I know that somehow I will see Him.
So I seek Him and ask Him for the eyes to wait on Him rather than answers. For the peace that rests in Him rather than results. For the filling that come from Him rather than circumstances. For the joy that finds strength in Him rather than in myself. For the security that come from my spiritual health rather than my physical well-being. For Him. And Him alone.