Yet Another Tedious Update

As you wait upon the Lord, you learn to see things from His perspective, move at His pace, and function under His directives. Waiting times are growing times and learning times. As you quiet your heart, you enter His peace; as you sense your weakness you receive His strength; as you lay down your will, you hear His calling. When you mount up, you are being lifted by the wind of His Spirit; when you move ahead, you are sensitive to His timing; when you act, you give yourself only to the thing He has asked you to do.
–Roy Lessin

I continue to wait, and the discouragement threatens to overwhelm as I seek answers, yet find none. We met with my surgeon today, and I am going in for a CT Scan on Monday. Next Wednesday I will find out the results and we will move on from there. Best case scenario, the nodule could be one of my para-thyroid glands has enlarged or it could be scar tissue from my thyroidectomy 10 years ago. If that’s the case, then he’ll do a para-thyroid scan and we’ll treat from there. If there’s nothing conclusive in the CT Scan, then he’s talking thyroid scan and needle biopsy (ultrasound-guided).

This is where the confusion comes in. My endocrinologist is of the opinion that if there is a nodule in my neck it needs to come out no matter what, so why put me through the scan and biopsy? My surgeon seems to think that the nodule can stay as long as it’s not cancerous. I; however, want it out of my body. Nothing good seems to be in my body these days, and I am concerned.

So needless to say I have a bunch of questions… no answers. I am fearful, especially of a barrage of tests and scans and let me just tell you, the needle biopsy is excruciating. Picture a 4 inch needle into your neck with no anesthesia. (All you faint of heart can pick yourselves up off the floor now, I’m done.)

My heart is heavy. I am emotionally drained, especially since I talked with my sweet friends Beth, Moni (she sent me the above quote) and Nat today and they are all so far away and I long for their “present” support. It is a growing and learning time… God’s not done with me yet. I long to learn more of Him through this, because I know that somehow I will see Him.

So I seek Him and ask Him for the eyes to wait on Him rather than answers. For the peace that rests in Him rather than results. For the filling that come from Him rather than circumstances. For the joy that finds strength in Him rather than in myself. For the security that come from my spiritual health rather than my physical well-being. For Him. And Him alone.

10 responses to “Yet Another Tedious Update”

  1. Angie, I’m sending the lyrics to a song we’re learning at church. It’s not often that Christ’s people sing a song of lament, but here’s one that ministers to me at my core and seems to be very appropriate for you right now.

    Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You
    When I am tempted to despair
    Though I might fail to trust Your promises
    You never fail to hear my prayer
    And if You judged my sin
    I’d never stand again
    But I see mercy in Your hands

    CHORUS:
    So more than watchmen for the morning
    I will wait for You, my God
    When my fears come with no warning
    In Your Word I’ll put my trust
    When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit
    I will wait, I will wait for You

    The secret mysteries belong to You
    We only know what You reveal
    And all my questions that are unresolved
    Don’t change the wisdom of Your will
    In every trial and loss
    My hope is in the cross
    Where Your compassions never fail

    © 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
    Words and music by Bob Kauflin

    Oh, may you find those compassions that never fail in your own depths right now. We’re praying for you!

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  2. I’m praying for your spiritual and physical well-being. Waiting is tough; knowing the fears of testing is scary…..I know (you know I too dislike any form of needles and I had my share of being poked at many times!). May God’s Love embrace you, may His Love for you be your ultimate comfort and joy. Run to Him when you are afraid and frustrated; Seek Him in all you do. Rest in the assurance that you are God’s precious daughter and that He loves you!!

    I’m sending you virtual hugs to you today and lifting you up in prayers!

    Love you,
    Becky

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  3. Hang in there, Ang. We’ll be praying for you.

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  4. My dear Angie,

    May you know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that you may be filled up with all the fullness of God. Love that believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and will never fail you, There is no fear in love for perfect love casts out fear and He did not give you a spirit of fear, but of boldness and a sound mind. Draw from the well, the living water in you – Christ in you the hope of glory.

    Remember, He works all things together for our good for those who love Him and for those who are called according to His purpose and for those who are predestined to be more like His Son. What a treasure in our earthen vessels. We are the called out ones. To God be the glory.

    Sharing with you in your victory in Him,
    Judie
    xoxox

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  5. Angie, you are ever present in my thoughts and prayers, and I know that you are just as present in the mind of God–even more so. I’m praying that you will know the peace that passes all understanding as you wait in the Lord. I love you so much, and can’t wait to see you again soon!

    Waiting with you,
    Sarah

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  6. Angie, I lift you up to our all knowing Heavenly Father and ask His love, grace, and strength will OVERWHELM you! I am sending this poem “Wait” to your regular e-mail address as it is quite lengthy. I read this so many times during our battle with infertility. Lots of love, Rochelle

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  7. Thinking of you, and always praying.

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  8. Waiting HAS to be the hardest thing. I KNOW IT IS!!! May the Lord surround you with His peace and comfort today! I am so sorry for all your stress and will pray that this will be absolutely non-cancerous & no more worries!

    Phil. 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

    Love,
    Chanley

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  9. So sorry about the conflicting reports, long waits, and heavy hearts – still praying, friend.
    Longing,
    Elyse

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  10. You said…

    “Nothing good seems to be in my body these days, and I am concerned.”

    Your heart is in your body, dear one, and it is sweet and encouraging to those around you even in the midst of severe trial. I can’t even imagine how scary it is for you to be going through this. You are a blessing to many…I am thinking of the beautiful concert you sang at the beginning of the year even when I’m sure you felt weak and exhausted afterwards…but you poured yourself out in worship and it was beautiful. What an encouragement you are and a testimony to the work of Christ in you.

    You are loved and delighted in, my friend!!!!

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