Here is a quick update on my visit with the surgeon today for all my friends and family. There is good news! He believes the nodule to be a lymph node. Most tumors are marble shaped, while lymph nodes are lima bean shaped. My nodule is lima bean shaped. The radiologist looked at the scan with my surgeon and he concurs.
There is bad news. We don’t know if the lymph node is cancer or not, so I will be having an ultrasound-guided needle biopsy in order to determine if the node needs to come out.
Even worse news. I have to wait 2 weeks for the biopsy, then five days for the results.
While I am at peace with where this is headed, it is hard to know there is something in my neck that may or may not be cancer again. And to have to wait for so long to find out is also very difficult.
Honestly, I am not sure how to feel right now. Relieved because it looks like this is just a lymph node and not a tumor of some sort. Fearful because of the pain associated with the biopsy. Terrified because I’m possibly facing cancer again. Numb because I am protecting myself emotionally. Desperate because I cannot do this on my own. Tired because I am fighting daily battles. Broken because as I see more of Him, I see more of my sin. Submissive because I will walk where He leads.
Peaceful because I know He is with me.
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I walk through the darkness If You want me to
cause When I cross over Jordan, I’m gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
(Ginny Owens, from her CD If You Want Me To: The Best Of Ginny Owens