Biopsy Update

I am weary tonight, so this will be quick and possibly very raw. My biopsy was this morning, and basically the only thing to say is, “I’m glad it’s over.” The pain during the procedure is excruciating… there’s really only so much numbing they can do to protect from a four-inch needle in your neck. Twice. I almost passed out the first time. There is minimal swelling, some bruising, and a lot of pain tonight. So I am unable to sleep… even though that’s all I really want to do.

Add to that some complications from my appointment this afternoon with my oncologist and some problems with my port-a-cath. What should have been a 45-minute appointment turned into 3 hours, and I return tomorrow morning for them to work on my port some more.

Honestly, struggle seems like too simple of a word to describe how I am feeling tonight. I am emotionally and physically weary. And I just want to ask God why? Why the pain on top of the pain? Why does every aspect of this have to be so difficult?

So tonight I’m asking you to pray. I am admitting my weariness and struggle. And I’m asking you to help me see Him.

15 responses to “Biopsy Update”

  1. I am praying, Angie, even as I type.

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  2. Yet listen now,
    Oh, listen with the wondering olive trees,
    And the white moon that looked between the leaves,
    And gentle earth that shuddered as she felt
    Great drops of blood. All torturing questions find
    Answer beneath those old grey olive trees.
    There, only there, we can take heart to hope
    For all lost lambs – Aye, even for ravening wolves.
    Oh, there are things done in the world today
    Would root up faith, but for Gethsemane,

    For Calvary interprets human life;
    No path of pain but there we meet our Lord;
    And all the strain, the terror and the strife
    Die down like waves before his peaceful word,
    And nowhere but beside the awful Cross,
    And where the olives grow along the hill,
    Can we accept the unexplained, the loss,
    The crushing agony – and hold us still. -Amy Carmichael

    Friend, Meet Him at the foot of the cross tonight and Calvary will still your questions. He loves you so much He died for you. He knows your pain and can sympathize with ALL your weakness.

    I love you so much and watch and wait with you tonight and always.

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  3. Saying a prayer for you right now dear sister! Never cease to trust God; never cease to run to Him in your time of questioning and weariness. I love you!

    –Becky

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  4. May God bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

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  5. My heart cries with you, Angie, to the Lord. But here is His promise: “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable.” He is holding you in His arms right now, dearest Angie, and He will not grow tired.

    At the feet of Jesus with you,
    Sarah

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  6. Angie,
    i am so sorry that it hurt so much. and is still hurting. i am sorry that there were yet more complications leading to more questions and uncertainties. know that many of my family members and friends are praying for you and for the results. i cling to Jesus though…as you have helped show me how. I love you and remember that your help COMES FROM THE LORD…he is hearing our prayers.

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  7. Ange, I am so sorry for how you have suffered so much. It just doesn’t seem right that so much could go wrong, it truly just stinks. I am so, so sorry. I am sending you a cyber hug ((((((((((((Angie))))))))))))))). I will be praying for you as I lay down to bed, in just a few minutes. And Nicholas and I prayed for you earlier this afternoon, as you came to remembrance while we were in the car. The Lord is with you. But that doesn’t mean we understand “why” the pain on top of the pain. Greg too, asks that question in his heart and with his mouth so many times. But like you he knows in his mind God is good, he just sometimes (actually for him all the time)doesn’t understand. Cry to you Abba, Daddy, Father, and tell Him everything. He can take it. Much love to you. Carol

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  8. Praying for you this morning that you were able to get some rest and for renewed strength in facing today.

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  9. Sherry Misantone Avatar
    Sherry Misantone

    Thinking of you & praying for you today!

    Love ya,
    Sherry

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  10. I am so sorry! I wish I could hug you. I loved what Sarah said and the verse. You know this is a favorite verse of mine but applies:
    “And my God shall supply ALL your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”
    Ps. 5:11-12 “But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; let them ever shout for joy because You defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; with favor You will surround him as with a shield.”
    May you feel the Lord’s shield about you today, Angie. I pray He will heal you and that speedily AND DO YOU GOOD!

    Love,
    Chanley

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  11. May our gracious and loving Heavenly Father give you the rest, peace, and strength you need to get through yet another time of waiting and I pray He will cause the pain to subside and complete healing to come. Holding you up today dear sister! Rochelle

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  12. My mind races trying to think of ways I can make you feel better–to ease the pain you feel in so many ways…but all I can do is tell you that I am grieving this with you and I love you.

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  13. I grieve with you, sis. And all I can think of is this poetic meditation on Christ’s suffering by Bernard de Clairvaux. Enter into His suffering, and you will find that He is with you even in this.

    O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down,
    Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown;
    O sacred Head, what glory, what bliss till now was Thine!
    Yet, though despised and gory, I joy to call Thee mine.

    What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered, was all for sinners’ gain;
    Mine, mine was the transgression, but Thine the deadly pain.
    Lo, here I fall, my Savior! ’Tis I deserve Thy place;
    Look on me with Thy favor, vouchsafe to me Thy grace.

    Men mock and taunt and jeer Thee, Thou noble countenance,
    Though mighty worlds shall fear Thee and flee before Thy glance.
    How art thou pale with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn!
    How doth Thy visage languish that once was bright as morn!

    Now from Thy cheeks has vanished their color once so fair;
    From Thy red lips is banished the splendor that was there.
    Grim death, with cruel rigor, hath robbed Thee of Thy life;
    Thus Thou hast lost Thy vigor, Thy strength in this sad strife.

    My burden in Thy Passion, Lord, Thou hast borne for me,
    For it was my transgression which brought this woe on Thee.
    I cast me down before Thee, wrath were my rightful lot;
    Have mercy, I implore Thee; Redeemer, spurn me not!

    What language shall I borrow to thank Thee, dearest friend,
    For this Thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
    O make me Thine forever, and should I fainting be,
    Lord, let me never, never outlive my love to Thee.

    My Shepherd, now receive me; my Guardian, own me Thine.
    Great blessings Thou didst give me, O source of gifts divine.
    Thy lips have often fed me with words of truth and love;
    Thy Spirit oft hath led me to heavenly joys above.

    Here I will stand beside Thee, from Thee I will not part;
    O Savior, do not chide me! When breaks Thy loving heart,
    When soul and body languish in death’s cold, cruel grasp,
    Then, in Thy deepest anguish, Thee in mine arms I’ll clasp.

    The joy can never be spoken, above all joys beside,
    When in Thy body broken I thus with safety hide.
    O Lord of Life, desiring Thy glory now to see,
    Beside Thy cross expiring, I’d breathe my soul to Thee.

    My Savior, be Thou near me when death is at my door;
    Then let Thy presence cheer me, forsake me nevermore!
    When soul and body languish, oh, leave me not alone,
    But take away mine anguish by virtue of Thine own!

    Be Thou my consolation, my shield when I must die;
    Remind me of Thy passion when my last hour draws nigh.
    Mine eyes shall then behold Thee, upon Thy cross shall dwell,
    My heart by faith enfolds Thee. Who dieth thus dies well.

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  14. I came across this quote from Amy Carmichael this morning and thought it may be of some encouragement and comfort to you, my dear one.

    Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” Amy Carmichael says, “Westcott interprets this verse, ‘I will in no wise desert you or leave you alone in the field of contest, or in a position of suffering; I will in no wise let go–loose hold–my sustaining grasp’”(Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways).

    I love you!

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  15. Wish I could take some of that pain away. Praying for you tonight!

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