“God has more to teach us.” I hear Monica’s voice on the phone. I hear and I know, but everything in me wants to rise up and scream, “I don’t want to be taught anymore! I just want to rest.” I cry as I disclose my heart to her. “I know, friend.” her voice, husky, mingling tears with mine. “That day will come… for us both.”
Yesterday we found out that our van needs a new transmission, and front brakes and a serpentine belt. I sat in silence as Bri shared the news, my mind reeling. You have to be kidding me! This? In the midst of everything else? The new year brings more treatment, more bills, new deductibles. Do we EVER get a break?
I wrestle again with God and I open an unteachable heart to Him. Teach me. Lord. Show me.
We have so much.
God has always provided. He has never let us go hungry. We have always paid our bills–on time, at that. We sleep in warmth every night. We have a beautiful little home that surrounds us… four walls that catch laughter and love and tears and struggle daily, wrapping us in God’s love.
We have so much more than we need. God is still on His throne. He is caring for our daily needs and giving us more than enough.
As Monica and I talk and share, she reminds me that it’s not about storing up for ourselves treasures on earth. It’s about pouring into others. And we have made our personal choices to pour into the needy and hurting, to pour into our children through Christian education, to pour into our church, to have me stay at home with our children and pour into them rather than working outside the home. Those are the things that will last. My confidence is in the Lord, not in our IRA or the children’s 529’s. The future is the Lord’s. He will provide.
Who knows? My pouring into my children may lead them into a world of mission work rather than the college education that I can get so worked up about paying for. My pouring into my children may also lead them to being doctors who save lives in more ways than one. All I know is I want to pour into them so that they will pour into others, physically, emotionally, and most of all, spiritually.
We are responsible for making the decisions we make today in the light that we are given. God still owns tomorrow.
He hasn’t failed us yet. And we are so much happier when don’t focus on “stuff”. When I get to Heaven God’s not going to ask me if I rented or owned my home. Yet I can get so bogged down in what the world thinks we should “have”.
God is choosing to bless us with enough. Some He chooses to bless with more. Others He chooses to bless with less. But it’s God’s choosing. Who am I to claim it as my own rather than offering it all to Him saying, “This is all a gift from you. Show me how you want us to spend it, use it, save it, pour it.”?
Please, Lord, make me teachable.