God’s Choosing

“God has more to teach us.” I hear Monica’s voice on the phone. I hear and I know, but everything in me wants to rise up and scream, “I don’t want to be taught anymore! I just want to rest.” I cry as I disclose my heart to her. “I know, friend.” her voice, husky, mingling tears with mine. “That day will come… for us both.”

Yesterday we found out that our van needs a new transmission, and front brakes and a serpentine belt. I sat in silence as Bri shared the news, my mind reeling. You have to be kidding me! This? In the midst of everything else? The new year brings more treatment, more bills, new deductibles. Do we EVER get a break?

I wrestle again with God and I open an unteachable heart to Him. Teach me. Lord. Show me.

Look around.

We have so much.

God has always provided. He has never let us go hungry. We have always paid our bills–on time, at that. We sleep in warmth every night. We have a beautiful little home that surrounds us… four walls that catch laughter and love and tears and struggle daily, wrapping us in God’s love.

We have so much more than we need. God is still on His throne. He is caring for our daily needs and giving us more than enough.

As Monica and I talk and share, she reminds me that it’s not about storing up for ourselves treasures on earth. It’s about pouring into others. And we have made our personal choices to pour into the needy and hurting, to pour into our children through Christian education, to pour into our church, to have me stay at home with our children and pour into them rather than working outside the home. Those are the things that will last. My confidence is in the Lord, not in our IRA or the children’s 529’s. The future is the Lord’s. He will provide.

Who knows? My pouring into my children may lead them into a world of mission work rather than the college education that I can get so worked up about paying for. My pouring into my children may also lead them to being doctors who save lives in more ways than one. All I know is I want to pour into them so that they will pour into others, physically, emotionally, and most of all, spiritually.

We are responsible for making the decisions we make today in the light that we are given. God still owns tomorrow.

He hasn’t failed us yet. And we are so much happier when don’t focus on “stuff”. When I get to Heaven God’s not going to ask me if I rented or owned my home. Yet I can get so bogged down in what the world thinks we should “have”.

God is choosing to bless us with enough. Some He chooses to bless with more. Others He chooses to bless with less. But it’s God’s choosing. Who am I to claim it as my own rather than offering it all to Him saying, “This is all a gift from you. Show me how you want us to spend it, use it, save it, pour it.”?

Please, Lord, make me teachable.

11 responses to “God’s Choosing”

  1. Angie,
    I’m at work and just read this post and it’s hitting me pretty strongly today…as evidenced by the tears on my face.

    Thinking of you today. Love you!
    sarah

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  2. Thank you for sharing your heart, Angie. I understand where you are, because I’m there in my head…it’s getting it into my heart that’s hard. Steve and I have always said we’d rather invest in people, not things. Easy to say. Easy to say “God will provide” and even to see past evidence of His provision. Hard to believe and live sometimes when you are smack in the middle of the trial. Easy to slip into fear mode. For me it shows itself especially as littles grow into bigs and bigs into teens on the brink of adulthood and life decisions.

    When the stock market started going crazy, Caleb brought up a discussion about it with me in the kitchen. I told him that we didn’t have much in the market, and that we’d rather invest our limited dollars into people (music lessons, choir, education, mission support, preg. center, braces) than into our retirement account or the stock market (not negating the wisdom of planning ahead at all but just prioritizing). He said, “At least we’re not crashing.” I thought “Not yet.” 😉

    It is painful to be a work in progress. To have sanctification be an ongoing process…I, too, want to just be finished and arrive and not see that the more I think I have it “together”, the more I deceive myself…be encouraged that there are others out there learning lessons and crying out for a teachable spirit, only in different ways. Mine happens to be in parenting A LOT of children when I feel completely ill-equipped for the task.

    Thank you for taking the time out of your day to be an encouragement to others in the midst of your pain. You are a blessing, and you are loved! I am praying for you!!!!

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  3. My precious one,

    I can completely identify with your struggle. Our faith is much more precious then silver or gold, but the pain of having it to reveal Him and the battles that leave us reeling is overwhelming. The pressure that He brings on us does not seem momentary or light, I cry out “Oh God I am sinking down into a cave to never return.” My cries seem so faint that I despair for life. My sister He is doing His work and it is a new journey, many many things we have not experienced.

    I am still here walking with you even though I feel crippled at times, but He who sustains us will continue to strengthen us. We are His workmanship created in Christ to do good works. To run a race can be exhausting, but let’s win Christ and be found in Him not having a righteousness derived from the law, our works, but on the basis of hearing and hearing by the word of God.

    I love you so much,
    Judie

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  4. DAYENU. I want this word tattooed on my heart. He is MORE than enough! (Have you read “How Much is Enough? Hungering for God in an affluent culture” by Arthur Simon? After our talk today I dug it out and skimmed all my highlighted parts. It’s a hard book to read. One passage that convicted me was Acts 4:32-35. Read it and let me know what you think. I love you so much it hurts!)

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  5. Girl I have to say I shake my head too and say “you are kidding”….concerning your situation. But where else can we go but to HIM! The ONLY ONE…..Peter said it so much better. Running and running into his arms that NEVER fail us.

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  6. When it rains, it pours. I know what it’s like to have one difficult situation piled onto another, onto another, etc. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say it was a very rough couple of years. I was bitter, angry, sad, and wondered if I would ever feel peace and joy again. I really wondered. All that is to say I can understand to some degree where you are coming from. It is a hard place to be. It is hard to feel like you are getting knocked down, time and again, before you can even stand up again.

    What struck me about what you said above is “it’s not about storing up for ourselves treasures on earth. Its about pouring into others.”

    Yes, exactly. And while this world, this place we live, is one of materialism and wanting and buying, we must remember that. It’s hard. Boy, is it hard.

    Keep your chin up Angie!

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  7. Hi Angie,

    I don’t know you and you don’t know me, I stumbled across your blog by accidentally clicking on your name on a comment you left at No Small Thing – and while I’m new to this whole blog reading thing and I don’t know if this is an OK thing to do, my apologies if I have just completely overstepped – because I don’t think there was anything accidental about my unintended click.

    I wanted to share with you how much your blog has touched me in the last hour. I have found myself crying with you and smiling at the beauty of your children and learning from you. Especially what you’ve said about God providing for us. My husband and I recently made some drastic changes to our lives and it truly took a leap of Faith to do it…as I sit here trying to decide just how much we can spend on Christmas gifts, it’s as if God was speaking to me through you and I thank-you for being his voice.

    From this glimpse into your world, know that there is one more person praying with and for you!

    May the Miracle of the Christmas Season truly touch you and your family this year!
    Rebecca

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  8. Angie, you don’t know how much I needed to read this today. Satan has his ways of getting me off track and focusing on money, finances, economy, etc. to the point of worrying and almost making poor financial decisions.

    Every “verse of the day” this week has been on greed and worrying about finances. Your blog topped it all.

    Please pray for me to get my mind off of temporal things and back onto the eternal. God has called me to study and teach His Word and to create music. I write that and wonder why I have such a hard time thinking my day job (writing and managing software) is God’s calling.

    Let go, John. Let go.

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  9. Yes, yes! I’ve had this exact feeling, Angie, of being tired of learning any more from God, of experiencing another loss, of facing yet another hurdle, obstacle, unknown. What amazes me is that, in the midst of the battle, God shows up. I just heard a message by a “worker” in Lebanon, and he pointed out that, when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were in the fiery furnace, the Lord came into that furnace to be WITH them. I see that He has enabled you to gain perspective pretty quickly…and when you pour out that perspective on us, you enable us to see Him WITH us in our trials. It’s a costly thing, your ministry to us, and we love you for it. In rereading Isaiah 40-66 again this Advent season, I see that God being with us is at the heart of His purpose for His people and the nations. You get it, Angie. Thank you.

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  10. Dear Ang,
    I am thinking of you in these days. I sure hope your pain will go away quickly and that your faith would be strengthened. I pray, too, that you will be able to enjoy this wonderful Christmas season that you enjoy so much-me, too!
    I pray this one for you:
    Ex. 23:25-26 “So you shall serve the Lord your God, and He will bless your bread and your water. *And I will take sickness away from the midst of you. No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; **I will fulfill the number of your days.”** I love that thought and my Mom has commented about that, too that our days were numbered before there were any of them-staggering thought. Nothing in this world can take away from that number or add to. God has His plan & that’s what it will be. A comfort, I hope. I know that if the Lord gave me cancer tomorrow that I am only blessed with the years He has given me, the family, the so many blessings that I can’t even number! BUT, I know it’s hard to put it into practice when it comes to you. God bless you, dear one! You are a blessing!

    About the finances, I’ve shared this verse a thousand times but still stands Phil. 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” He will supply for you & it does say ALL. I will pray for that, too!
    Love,
    Chanley

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  11. What you said is so true, and yet I know I forget it constantly. What you wrote is both a blessing and convicting. God is sufficient no matter our circumstances. Many prayers for you as you seek Him in your time of struggle.

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