A Spring of Joy

Is it possible?

Last night as I came to bed I gazed at my Bear. Never one to sleep motionless, he had kicked himself out of his sleeping bag, off his pillow and was curled up on Sam & Alan’s carpet, breathing deep, sweet smile on his face. I laughed and called for Bri to come rearrange my little man. Then I sat and looked at him, and I asked myself when was the last time I just sat with my Bear and looked at him and wondered at him?

(Oh, trust me, I wonder at him all the time. The pages I have filled with stories about my Bear!)

But this was different. A marveling. A wondering.

Is it possible?

God entrusted this little soul to our care. That light behind his green eyes, that mind that whirls into worlds unknown to me, that smile that dimples shyly, that laugh rippling through his whole being, that body so stocky and sure, that heart bigger than any of us, that soul… an eternal being.

Is it possible?

How do I care for this? To not dim the light in his eyes, to join him in worlds unknown, to encourage his independence, to laugh with him, to feed and clothe and strengthen his body, to fill that heart with more love, to mold that soul and romance him to Jesus.

Is it possible?

I though about that day five years ago when I held a bundle of 7 lb. 12 oz. in my arms and gazed in wonder. Five years felt like an eternity away. How long has it been since I just sat and gazed at my Bear? I wondered last night how much I have missed along the way too absorbed in myself and my things to do.

Is it possible?

This little man will start kindergarten this year. He’ll take gymnastics. He’ll run and laugh and grow and learn. And time will not stop as much as I might want it to.

Is it possible?

When he woke up this morning I was staring at him again. His eyes met mine and my heart melted at that dimpled grin. “Hey.” I said, “It’s a Birthday Bear!” And his grin widened, his arms stretched out to me, and I held him. “Happy Birthday.” I whispered into his hair. And I wondered.

Is it possible?

Is is possible that I could love this little guy any more deeply?

I imagine so… but I can’t imagine how.

Happy Birthday, Bear!