A Spring of Joy

As I sit here this morning, sipping a hot drink, the smell of oatmeal floating through the kitchen, the sun just peeking over the mountains, I struggle. My senses are aware of all that is happening around me. The voice of my little Buddy singing in the bathroom as he dresses for school, my Bella singing to her eggs at the breakfast table, the purr of the heater kicking in on a frosty morning, the hum of the refrigerator full of food. I am aware. But I am not moved. I long to be moved again. To be so overwhelmed with all that is around me, with all that I have been given. But I sit here, only aware.

That is the struggle. The depression that these necessary medications cause. I remind myself that this is for a season. That this is momentary and light affliction. And I turn on the song that I have listened to over and over and over this week.

C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser speaks the truth I need to hear. I am sighing and groaning with creation, and I am waiting. But, thank God, I am not waiting without hope. I am not destined for this place of struggle, and even if I were to struggle like this every day until God calls me home, there is still hope. Life was made to be lived, and He is giving me the strength to push through this darkness and live.
http://ws.amazon.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&MarketPlace=US&ID=V20070822%2FUS%2Fsprofjoy-20%2F8014%2F91ab1d8e-8373-4f6d-a62b-e1d77385b4b4&Operation=GetDisplayTemplate Amazon.com Widgets

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
Then of course I’ll feel nude when to where I’m destined I’m compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me,
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
‘Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live,
I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
For me
For me
For me..