Isolation

I have spent the last week cuddling and snuggling and holding and praying with these little ones who are so sick. I’ve rubbed feet that fall asleep, massaged legs that ache, kissed fiery foreheads, rocked sleeping bodies, scratched backs, snuggled under blankets, watched movies with three heads on my lap, and slept in beds with them.

Starting Monday night, I will not be able to touch them.

I am undergoing treatment next week for my thryoid cancer recurrence. Because of the nature of the treatment and the high dosage I will be receiving, I will have to be isolated from my children for 2 weeks.

Yes, you read that right, two weeks!

For the first part of my dosage (beginning next Wednesday) I will not be able to be in the same house as they are. For the second, I will not be able to have any contact with them, but I will be able to see them.

This treatment will give me a 96% chance of full recovery, as in, no recurrence again. Because of the high dosage they are giving me, I will have to go to a different hospital than here. We will spend Monday there getting labs run, scans done, consulting with the doctor and I will have a full body PET scan to be sure there is no other cancer in my body before they move forward with treatment. Monday night, because of the radioactivity of the scan, I will be sequestered from contact with my family, but I can at least be home.

Wednesday morning I will return to the hospital for another scan and then dosing. Dosing is scheduled for 1:00. I’ll swallow a pill of radioactive iodine (given to me in a shielded cup), and then most likely be admitted to the hospital for at least 2 days. I will be in a room completely isolated even from nurses. I can only bring in items that can be thrown away (e.g. paper back books that I will toss after reading). After my stay at the hospital, I will go to my parents’ house for the remainder of the first week. I will also continue to have scans periodically over the next few days.

Once at my parents’ house, I will be able to have limited contact with adults, but not children. Brian’s mom will come live with Brian and the kids to give them as much normalcy as possible in routine and life without me. I will return home for the second week, but I will basically be confined to my room away from the children.

That’s the plan as I know it right now. All of this could change if my thyroid levels are not low enough for treatment next week, so it still feels like a bit of limbo.

As you can imagine, this is breaking my heart. This forced isolation. How can I be away from this for so long? Imprisoned away from my family.

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I know that it can be done. During her pregnancy, my friend, Monica, spent months in the hospital away from her daughter. She has been real with me about the agony, this emotional isolation that enjoins the physical. But she has also been real with me about the strength of Christ to get her through.

I do not want this, but I am choosing this.

I am choosing to suffer so that I might have a future with my children and husband.

(I still don’t know all the details, but if you have questions or want clarification, just leave a question in my comments. Then I’ll try to address them all in another post.)

33 responses to “Isolation”

  1. Dearest Angie,

    I’m praying. I’m praying that when you are alone, you will feel the presence of Jesus ever more fully. That this separation will make the reunion after its conclusion sweeter than you could imagine. I love you.

    ~Sarah

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  2. Will there be any side effects of the radioactive iodine? Will you feel differently?

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  3. My precious Angie,

    I am in union with you in your quest to abandon yourself totally to His keeping. We are in His right hand and nothing can snatch us away. May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing that you may dwell in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

    Blessing and love to you,
    Judie

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  4. OK, I am going out of town Monday but I am taking my lap top. I will be reading so I hope someone will post your journey so we can know as much as possible. Even a sentence or two will help. I will be praying daily and often through the day for you! Rest assured that the body of Christ is interceding for you, your kids, your hubby and those caring for you and those helping your family! I am going to spread the word to others too if that is OK on my blog?

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  5. Angie,
    Though I have no children of my own yet and cannot even begin to understand what you are facing, I am crying for you. Though we have not been blog friends long, I also KNOW that Jesus will carry you through this. Your strength and Faith are an inspiration to me.

    Take lots of pictures that you can print now to take with you – and may I suggest a reading of “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn the night before you must leave….though intended for the first day of school, it may be just the thing to help you and the kids through this.

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  6. Melissa Bruining Teeter Avatar
    Melissa Bruining Teeter

    Angie,

    Wow. Praying for you, that God will be so NEAR to you while in the hospital and while in isolation. Love you so much!

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  7. Praying every single day for you and your family and precious children and parents ad they will be with you during your last week of treatment. I can’t even begin to imagine what your are feeling—-I am praying; praying hard; praying, praying praying……..I love you dear sister in Christ!!

    —Becky

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  8. Dear Angie, I just spent a half an hour in bed with Delaney reading poems from “Where the Sidewalk Ends” and snuggling while we made our gratitude list and prayed. I was explaining to her she has to go to my parents next week when I have my surgery and she started to cry. It brought back those many nights so far from my sweet girl. I will be praying so hard for you. Although they will miss their mommy so much I know that it is really and truly hardest on the one all alone without the day to day activities to distract. Keep your mind on Christ, and He will bring you peace and comfort! You can do this through His strength!!! I love you.

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  9. Angie,
    Know that prayers are going up for you and your family. May God protect you and them and make your reunion sweet! My heart breaks for you!

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  10. I am stopped over from The Roost. I will praying for you and your family! I pray God will give the healing and strength you need, I pray he gives your family the comfort they need. I know God has his hand in this. He is holding you close. Keep us posted! Bless you!!

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  11. Angie,
    So sorry for what you are facing. The Lord will be your strength and constant companian through this. Thinking of and praying for you.

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  12. I, too, will be praying. For Brian, for you, and especially for Buddy, Bear, and Bella. I pray that God will continue to hold them in His arms and protect them.

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  13. Angie!! I love you so much and will be praying for you and for your family!!!

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  14. Angie,
    I just found your blog via Rocks. I am so glad I did. I will be sure to lift your family in prayer and rejoice with you when you get to hold your little ones again soon.

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  15. Hi Angie,

    I came over via the Roost. I want to let you know I am holding you in my heart and prayers during this difficult time. I know it will be hard to be away from your children but The Lord WILL be your constant companion and give you strength through this.♥

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  16. you and your family will be in my thoughts and my prayers.

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  17. Angie,
    I am visiting you from the Roost. We are saying a prayer for you!
    Lots of blogger support!

    Lisa

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  18. Remember the footprints in the sand…when your burden is too heavy, He will carry you through.

    I will be thinking of you so much throughout this. And praying for your strength, and for your family.

    If there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know.

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  19. Angie, just wanted you to know that my accountability friends Susan, Marti A. and Karen S.) and I prayed for you today. Comfort, peace, safety, love, blessing…”above all we can think or ask.” May you find serendipitous blessings in your tunnel the next two weeks.

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  20. I came over from the Roost but also saw that you know Kristen (No Small Thing). I have added you to my reader so I can keep up with your journey. You and your family are in my prayers and I hope that these coming weeks move along quickly. Stay strong.

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  21. i linked over from the Roost…looks like you’ve got a great network of people praying for you!

    Dear God,

    I ask you to be with this family. Place your healing hand upon Angie and rid her body of this cancer.

    I also pray that in the time after her treatment you would comfort her. Wrap your arms around her and carry her through this difficult time.

    Be with her family, help them through this separation as well.

    Thank you for the promise that you’ll never leave us.

    In Christ,
    Amen

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  22. Hang tight to your seat girl! Mabye venture to the “dining car” or the “sleeping car” but don’t jump off the train! I LOVE~LOVE the way you have so many wonderful “B’s” in your life… Bri~Buddy~Bear~Bella and, maybe could we include “Beautiful Saviour!” the one who will carry you on this part of your journey called life as well. You are “smothered” in prayer! (On our recent visit to VA I learned that “smothered” is a very southern thing…every waitress asked if we wanted it “smothered”? At first seemed quite odd…but actually it is quite a comforting thought…so consider yourself “smothered” girl! =) ) Love you…

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  23. Here from the Roost also. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this.

    I pray for complete healing and for God’s comfort during your treatment. May the time pass by quickly and before you know it, you will be back in the loving and snuggly arms of your beautiful family.

    Blessings.

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  24. You are in our prayers and always remember we serve a ver BIG God and he will take care of you and your family

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  25. I popped over from The Roost to wish you well and many prayers. I recently found out that I have a tumor on my thyroid, the biopsy was benign but all symptoms point to cancer so for now I wait until April for another biopsy. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and will follow your progress through your blog.

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  26. Hi Angie,
    I came over from Jules blog. I wanted to let you that I am praying for you, your husband and your children. I pray that God gives you his sweet peace & comfort during this time. I’ll be thinking and praying for you often!

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  27. I am also visiting from The Roost. I will be asking God to make this time go by as quickly as possible for all of you and for healing for you.

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  28. Jules from the Roost is a friend of many yrs…I simply adore her. She sent me your way, but I have been here before! Y’all are in my prayers. My heart breaks as I read your blog, but I know God is there and He hears our prayers. I will pray for strength and endurace for y’all and HIS peace that surpasses all understanding.

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  29. How awesome is to see all these friends, family and even a few strangers come right along side you, promising to lift you and your family up in prayer during this dark time. I don’t know about you, but I can almost FEEL the love and warmth of these people surrounding you in your time of need. Love you. Was good to hear your voice today.

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  30. I will pray for you. I came on over from The Roost. I’m so sorry for this incredible trial. I can’t even imagine and won’t pretend I can. I will pray for peace and strength, a miraculous healing.

    Peace to you and yours,
    Heather

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  31. Angie,
    I came by here from The Roost…I will be praying for you and your family. May the next two weeks pass quickly and smoothly. (and successfully!)

    blessings,
    karen

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  32. I found you through Jules at the Roost. You have been on my mind since I read the post at the Roost. I have been praying for you and will be praying for you and your family. I am a cancer survivor and I know how important the prayers of others can be.

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  33. I just read about your story and it broke my heart. I will be praying for you as you are in isolation this week. God bless you. God bless your little angels. With a story like this, I know God has GREAT things in store for you and your family!

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