I Hurt, Too

Today I returned to the hospital for a follow-up scan. There’s not a whole lot more to tell. It took an hour and a half of lying in a freezing room on a table 6 inches wide and a machine literally one inch from my nose unable to move. Then they said they’d show the scan to the doctor and they’d come and talk with me. Forty-five minutes later, they sent me home and said the doctor would call me Thursday or Friday. Sigh. Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, I want to know if this is working. Yes, I want this to be over.

It has been a long, hard week. I had complications over the weekend, painful, no-fun complications, but they have resolved. I have been lonely for my family and friends. I have read, journaled, prayed, watched TV, emailed, facebooked (is that really a verb?). Not a whole lot of excitement going on.

Wait a minute. Not a whole lot of excitement?

I jest. I truly do. I am jesting for one person. Kristen, aka K-Stat, aka Coach, aka Stat.

Why? You ask.

Because K-Stat is who drove me to the hospital today.

Yes, you read that right.

She. is. here.

Because when she heard this was all “going down”, she said, “I’m coming to see you.” No questions asked. No concern for inconvenience on her part. She hopped on a plane and flew in from Chi-town to spend 3 days with me. And I am blown away!

It has been so good. So, so good. I think my bedroom is smaller than a college dorm room, so we are squished in, keeping 3 feet away from each other (that was the “safe” distance from adults until today). We are talking, sharing, listening to music, crying (well, I’m the one that’s crying. In fact, in the past 24 hours, she’s probably dealt with more tears from me than she did in the 7 years we lived in the same town.) We are sitting in silence. That wonderful, companionable, comfortable silence.

I have been enriched by her. I have been comforted by her. I have been challenged by her. I have been blessed by her. I have been amazed once again by her heart.

And speaking of listening to music. She brought a CD mix for me. One she worked on with her good friend, Renee, to get it just perfect. She would only let me listen to it straight through, no shuffling allowed, because each song touches on and flows from the one before. And it is a-MA-zing. A brilliant work of art. It’s a walk-through of life… from desperation to glory. And smack-dab in the middle is this song by Katie Herzig. And every time I listen to it, I will think of Kristen, because I have seen in so many ways how she hurts, too.

I Hurt Too
Written by Katie Herzig (Katie Herzig Music/ASCAP)

When you’re weary
And haunted
And your life is not what you wanted
When you’re trying so hard to find it

When the lies speak the loudest
When your friends are starting to leave
When you’re broken by people like me

I hurt too, I hurt too

When an ocean sits right between us
There is no sign that we’ll ever cross
You should know now that I feel the loss

I hurt too, I hurt too

Even though you are drowning in valley’s of echoes
I believe there is peace in those hills up ahead
You will climb ‘til you find places you’ll never let go
And I will also be here praying just like I said

I hurt too, I hurt too

If you’ve never met Kristen, you need to.

Oh, and tomorrow, we’re driving up to meet my B for lunch at Dave’s. I. am. happy.

6 responses to “I Hurt, Too”

  1. I am happy too, rejoicing your friend is there with you. I am reading Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist through for a second time and my favorite passages jump off the pages, and I want to send them all to you.

    “True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop down into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves. We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that. We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they’ll leave. But what we give up is nothing in comparison to what this kind of friendship gives to us. Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it and manufacture it, then it’s something else, but if it’s really love, really friendship, it’s a little scary around the edges.”

    Praising God for your friends who have hurt too in the scary places you have been these long months. I love you dearly.


  2. Hi there.

    SO glad you’ve had a friend literally right beside you! What a blessing.

    Thinking of you,
    Lori Anne


  3. I am SO thankful that Kstat could be there with you during this time. I am thankful for her willingness to serve you and to do what true friends do best: CARE. Have a great lunch with Brian. it is so so so good to know that even through your grief, you are being carried through by friends, family and faith. Love you friend. Wish I could join in the the sing-a-longs.


  4. I Know this has had to be long and hard. what a dear friend you have by your side! Sounds like she knew just what you needed!


  5. Yay! That is AWESOME! What a beautiful thing it is to have a good friend like that. Enjoy your lunch with Brian–are you coming up HERE?!

    Praying for you…


  6. What an amazing friend. The best kind of friend. I will steal her. 🙂

    I’m praying about the scan results. I used to be a case manager (bk-before kids) and I took a lot of clients to have scans…those machines are so close to your face and so stinkin clicky and bangy. That’s a long time to be in there!
    They scare Asher too. But he only has to do it for 5 minutes, thank the good Lord.

    Thinking of you so much,


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