Maintenance Mode

“What is happening with your treatment?”

That is one of the many questions I am often faced with when I am in public, and after today, I can thankfully say, “In maintenance mode.”

I saw my oncologist Monday, as I have every month for the past 20. After today, I am now on an every two month rotation for follow-up, and I have no scans, tests, etc. scheduled until June! It is so amazing to think I could not see a doctor for two months! Although I am feeling very insecure without the constant monitoring. All the “what if’s…” creep in.

In June they will scan my neck again to see if the treatment I received in January worked. In the scan right before that treatment, they found a piece of thyroid tissue (presumably cancerous) that was under scar tissue right by my vocal cords. A neurosurgeon at that big hospital over the mountain took one look at it and said, “I don’t want to touch it unless I have no other alternative.” So they gave me the huge dose of radioactive iodine to hopefully kill it off.

In June we will find out if it worked. If it didn’t, then I’m looking at surgery again. Very sketchy, possibly dangerous surgery.

I won’t lie.

That scares me. A lot.

But I cling. As I have every day for the past almost two years. God hasn’t changed one iota since the day I heard my doctor utter, “There’s no easy way to say this…” He has held me and given me eyes to see my future hope in the midst of present darkness.

Still, every day is hard. And I believe hard is an understatement. I wake every morning in pain. Pain that the doctor told me yesterday will probably never resolve itself because it’s been almost two years since surgery. Pain that comes from so many nerves being severed in their quest to remove the cancer. Pain that will be the thorn in my flesh to remind me of His faithfulness.

It is easy to look at today and be defeated or look at the future and fear instead of celebrating the joys around me.

So today I celebrate this step.

Maintenance mode.

Won’t you celebrate with me?

9 responses to “Maintenance Mode”

  1. Celebrating with you! One of my favorite quotes from Cold Tangerines,

    “You are more than dust and bones. You are spirit and power and image of God. And you have been given TODAY.”

    Live it up for His glory. He’s got tomorrow covered! LOVE.

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  2. Praise God for maintenance mode! I pray that he will give you peace and the ability to rest and enjoy these doctor/ test free two months. I love you Angie!

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  3. Celebrating and continuing to pray for you and your family.

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  4. Celebrating with you! Praying you are able to enjoy your 2 dr.-free months!

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  5. Congratulations Angie!

    This is, from the cancer biologist’s perspective, a HUGE step! I think of you every day and wish I could transfer some of your pain over and make it easier. How far you have traveled already!

    One thought for you in spring when everything is full of soft color and little brush strokes: “The pain passes, but the beauty remains.”
    Pierre-Auguste Renoir

    Hugs your way from rainy, cold Chicago!

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  6. I’m celebrating with you friend (in my heart like you said).The Message puts it this way:

    “Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!” (Phillipians 4:4-5)

    May we revel in him today and always! What would look like if we celebrated HIM all day, every day?!

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  7. “For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting And His faithfulness to all generations.”–Psalm 100:5

    He IS so good! Celebrating with you, Angie!

    Love,
    Sarah

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  8. Maintenance must be very refreshing! I was wondering today how it was going. I’m so glad to hear.

    Will keep you in my prayers, especially that your fears be calmed and your pain be lessened.

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  9. i am absolutely celebrating with you! yay for a break from dr’s visits…. thinking of you, sister!

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