A Spring of Joy

“What is happening with your treatment?”

That is one of the many questions I am often faced with when I am in public, and after today, I can thankfully say, “In maintenance mode.”

I saw my oncologist Monday, as I have every month for the past 20. After today, I am now on an every two month rotation for follow-up, and I have no scans, tests, etc. scheduled until June! It is so amazing to think I could not see a doctor for two months! Although I am feeling very insecure without the constant monitoring. All the “what if’s…” creep in.

In June they will scan my neck again to see if the treatment I received in January worked. In the scan right before that treatment, they found a piece of thyroid tissue (presumably cancerous) that was under scar tissue right by my vocal cords. A neurosurgeon at that big hospital over the mountain took one look at it and said, “I don’t want to touch it unless I have no other alternative.” So they gave me the huge dose of radioactive iodine to hopefully kill it off.

In June we will find out if it worked. If it didn’t, then I’m looking at surgery again. Very sketchy, possibly dangerous surgery.

I won’t lie.

That scares me. A lot.

But I cling. As I have every day for the past almost two years. God hasn’t changed one iota since the day I heard my doctor utter, “There’s no easy way to say this…” He has held me and given me eyes to see my future hope in the midst of present darkness.

Still, every day is hard. And I believe hard is an understatement. I wake every morning in pain. Pain that the doctor told me yesterday will probably never resolve itself because it’s been almost two years since surgery. Pain that comes from so many nerves being severed in their quest to remove the cancer. Pain that will be the thorn in my flesh to remind me of His faithfulness.

It is easy to look at today and be defeated or look at the future and fear instead of celebrating the joys around me.

So today I celebrate this step.

Maintenance mode.

Won’t you celebrate with me?