These Four Walls

Saying good-bye is hard. Good-bye to seven years’ worth of memories. Seven years’ worth of life lived. If there is one thing I can say about these four walls, they have held LIFE.

Last week I looked out our kitchen window into the yard and saw seven deer.

Then I promptly burst into tears.

There is so much wrapped up into this home. This is the home of late nights on the deck with a glass of wine. This is the home of summertime barbecues and wintertime soups and stews. It’s wiffle ball in the back yard, swimming pools and sprinklers. It’s Thursday night company nights and 1:00 a.m. heart-to-hearts with college students. It’s the home where Beth & Dale had their first date and the home where I burst into tears yet again when I opened the door to see her engagement ring flashing.

It is a home filled with laughter, tears, arguments, forgiveness. It’s a home where we struggled to make ends meet and my pride in my husband only grew as I watched him pay others before he paid himself, trusting in the Lord to provide. It’s a home full of “early attic” furniture where I learned to be thankful for the simple things and realize what was truly important.

This is the place we brought all three of our children home to starting the journey of parenthood, figuring out life together. It’s the home of late night feedings and snuggling. All night vigils over feverish little ones. Family worship and bedtime prayers. It’s the home bursting with the noise of imaginations run wild. It’s the home of slipping in the doors late at night with little ones in our arms, tucking them in without even undressing them. It’s hearing Ash pray for Jesus to come into his heart. And it’s standing over bedsides late at night to stare in awe over their features and wonder how on earth we were so blessed to be their parents.

It is a home that has been turned upside down by the brutality of cancer. A home where I have stood in front of mirrors staring at a marred and bald body and wept. A home where Bri’s arms are the only thing I could hold on to, and they were always there. A home where the battle was fought and, Lord willing, won.

It’s the home of deer in the back yard and bird watching. The home of 10 foot Christmas trees and family rituals. It’s pancake breakfasts and steaks on the grill. It’s pizza and movie nights and play doh creations. It’s story telling, jeep riding and chalk drawing in the driveway. It’s rocking chairs and dancing in the kitchen. It’s full of busy days and days of just being together. A family.

Yes, so much is wrapped up in these four walls. We were happy here, and I don’t want to leave any of it behind.

But then I realize I won’t.

I will carry it with me in my heart to our new house… a place that only needs us in it to become a home.

10 responses to “These Four Walls”

  1. Home is B, you, Buddy, Bear, and Bella.

    Here’s to all the memories that the new house will hold.

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  2. Lots of good memories to MAKE in the new house!

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  3. “I will carry it with me in my heart to our new house…a place that only needs us in it to become a home.”

    Truer words have never been spoken – home is truly where-ever you make it.

    Prayers for a smooth moving day and many happy new memories!

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  4. Makes me think of the Billy Joel song, “You’re my Home”.

    It’s fun to think of the memories you will create over the next 7 years in your new home—the first day of school for Bear and Bella, Asher’s first day of HIGH SCHOOL, big sporting events on your gigantic yard, lazy nights sipping lemonade on your front porch, the wonder of watching the weekly train go by, fresh fruit from your trees and veggies from the garden I KNOW you’ll grow. Life is full of the bitter sweet. I’m so excited for you in your new home!

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  5. Angie, I loved your post as we recently moved too. I always said “home is where the hubby is” and now I have a son to add to that. I hope God brings you memories to cherish in your new home. They won’t necessarily compare to the old, but they will be new and different and exciting I’m sure! My thought during your series of events was hosting the college-group summer bible study and homemade ice cream!!! So you can add that (plus Brian and I enjoyed keeping Asher when he was little)!

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  6. Angie you have such a wonderful way with words. Enjoyed reading about the many memories you shared in this home and look forward to hearing about the many new memories made in your new abode!!

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  7. Lovely post. It’s so amazing, how we can get so attached to a home. They are us and we are them, in a way.

    I just know that you’ll find your new home to be just as life-giving.

    Peace, friend.

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  8. Your words convey so beautifully the memories your home holds for you. Be reminded that those memories will go with you held fondly forever in your heart. Be encouraged by all the new memories that will be created in your new home, to once again be held fondly in your heart forever.

    I will be praying for you as you leave this house and the memories triggered here for your new home and the memories to be created there!

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  9. I will always remember the first time I visited your home as we gathered for youth leader’s bible study. and the smell of fresh coffee and hazelnut Coffee Mate. I ‘ll remember running through the sprinkler with your boys (in my clothes) and pushing young bella on her swing. and running races down the driveway. i will remember the first time i was saw you in your wig, and then your bald head. i will remember feeling welcomed always. hearing your kids pray at meal times. sittiing in the loft. on the porch massaging the lymphedema in your hand. playing go fish with grandma. visiting and each time your hair had grown longer. and your kids had grown cuter. and feeling the love of Christ and his strength covering your entire family.

    thanking God for these memories and praying for you and the family as you move this weekend. love you. miss you

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  10. Not to take away from the sentimentality of this post…but we all sat around the living room tonight and watched the computer animated film, Monster House…..Now that house REALLY had personality!

    Carol

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