Hiding

There are days where I run to my hiding place under the safe cover of His wings. I haven’t had too many of those lately as life’s barrage wearies me. Instead I run and hide from Him, because when I am with Him I must face what is before me.

Honestly, I’d much rather hide from Him and not think about what lies ahead.

Another visit with the oncologist… anemia continues, results of chemo, radiation, lupus, radioactive iodine.

“Your body is just beat up.” he said to me, holding my 3-inch thick file in his hands.

As is my mind and my heart.

There is pain.

Unexplained. In my abdomen. My right side. The same side as…

I refuse to go there.

But I must.

Wednesday I face another CT Scan to see why there is pain.

And the fear and pain consume.

So I hide from it, and in hiding from it, I end up hiding from Him.

Then the night falls. I am awake all night with my thoughts and my fears.

And there is nowhere to hide from those.

Nowhere, except for in Him.

And He draws me close and shelters me.

Me. The one who hides from Him. The one who refuses to go there. The one afraid to face reality.

And I am hiding again.

Only this time it is in the One place that I find true rest from this chaotic, turbid mess that I have become.

I am scared, y’all, because I cannot face it again.

24 responses to “Hiding”

  1. God has faced it already! And will stare down everything in your path that is meant to harm you!

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  2. I love you friend and will lift you up in prayer. I pray you feel God’s arms holding and carrying you.

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  3. Praying for you, Angie. Praying hard. May you know a peace in these next days that we can’t even begin to fathom.

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  4. Oh Angie, when we first “met” and I learned of your move, I instantly added you to my prayer journal and told you I would be praying…and I have been. You can be confident that another request is being written tonight next to your name. I am committing to standing in the gap with and for you on this one!

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  5. Angie,

    Lifting you up in prayer. Praying for strength and for peace. For health and for wellness. For courage and for hope.

    I wish I had more eloquent, comforting words…

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  6. Oh Angie,
    We’ll be praying you won’t have to face it again! It could be so many things besides the “c” word. I’ll be praying for you friend.

    Carol

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  7. Dear Angie…

    This post – like many of late – has rendered me without words. But my far away friend – be assured – we are praying…

    praying…

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  8. Oh Angie, dear sweet Angie! I pray along with you and for you that you will NEVER have to “face it again!” May God’s sweet mercy cover you…fall upon you in dump truck loads and wash over you like the waves of the great east coast ocean! I see pictures of you at the JMU alumni reunion and you look amazing! Happy, beautiful, smiling, full of laughter and that gorgeous curly hair…I know that it’s unfamilar to you and you wonder where on earth did this come from!!! But, I think it’s very cute =) I dare say ~ “you are not a mess” …perhaps the circumstances you find your self in are a mess…but not you personally. Praying that God in His great mercy and grace will alleviate your fear and pain in the days that are before you. Loving you from clear across the US in Little Lynden Town =)
    Jan…
    p.s. beautiful new home you are now sharing with your sweet family, God has blessed you once again =)

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  9. Praying really really hard for you, sweet friend. May God be a source of comfort and your main Love and Rock.

    Love you,
    Becky

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  10. Praying for you today. Praying that you will never have to face “it” again! We love you!

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  11. Praying for you sweet friend. I love you so much. God loves you infinitely more.

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  12. I don’t know what to say. We’ll be praying, even if we don’t have the perfect words. We know God will hear.

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  13. Revelation 11:12: “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

    You are more than a conqueror through Him, Angie! I will be praying as always. I love you.

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  14. Melissa Bruining Teeter Avatar
    Melissa Bruining Teeter

    Praying now and all day, my dear friend. I love you.

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  15. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  16. praying for you sweet friend… love you and your amazing heart.

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  17. Cling to the cross friend. Draw close to Him and He will draw near to you. Love u so much

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  18. I’ve been praying for you the many times God has brought you to mind since Sunday! I’m so glad that he provides us with that place we so need to rest in Him. Praying that you will be able to rest as you look to him for strength. He is faithful.

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  19. judieyoung@hotmail.com Avatar
    judieyoung@hotmail.com

    My dear Angie,

    You have been called with a Holy calling, and nothing can happen that He is not in control. You are bought with a price and He is at work in you to work to will to His good pleasure. His hands are molding you into the very image of His Son. He is clothing you in Christ, the health that you are experiencing in Him is health that renews you in the inner man. Sweet one, He did not give us a spirit of fear but boldness and a sound mind.

    Grace, mercy an peace abound to you. I was before the throne of God yesterday calling on His grace for you. He will give you that all sufficient grace.

    I love you my precious one,
    Judie
    xoxox

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  20. Have been wondering, a little worried about you. I will be praying for you, for your rest. For your health, for your peace and for your comfort.

    Good luck tomorrow Angie.

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  21. Angie! I am pleading for you. I love you.

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  22. Angie, It was so good to see you and Brian and your kiddos on Saturday. Oh, how I am praying for you – praying that the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

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  23. Dear Angie, you are so precious to Him and to so many. May He be the stronghold that frees you from your fears and keeps you truly safe. “My soul finds rest in God alone, my Rock and my salvation, a fortress strong against my foes, and I will not be shaken…O praise Him, hallelujah, my Delight and my Reward, everlasting, never failing, my Redeemer, my God.” (Ps. 62, Stuart Townend and Aaron Keyes) Praying for this to be your reality. Love you!

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  24. “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:19
    “Nevertheless I am continually with thee.” Ps. 73:23
    “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Heb. 13:5
    Oh, Angie, I am so sorry for the pain and hope the doctors can find out what’s wrong and remedy it!! Sorry for your emotional pain…I will pray for you and may God, our Lord, sustain, comfort and encourage you!!!

    Love, love,
    Chanley

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