C.O.L.D.

I’m cold, y’all.

C.o.l.d.

No, freezing.

No, already an ice cube.

It’s this whole going off my meds thing, and it’s much worse than last time (or at least what I remember of last time). My body temperature is always cold… reptilian, perhaps? (Don’t even go there.)

When I took my shower this morning I didn’t use any cold water. I stood under burning hot water for 20 minutes and my fingernails were still blue. After my shower I dug through Brian’s closet and found some crazy old man wool cardigan sweater he’s had in there for years and never wears. I put it on over the other 3 layers I’m wearing. And then I put on a hat and gloves and wandered aimlessly around the house wondering where the warmest spot was, because I couldn’t go upstairs and snuggle under my heavy quilt and heated throw. So I sat in the kitchen next to running appliances where the room temperature read 76 degrees and I froze.

So why do I tell you this?

Not to complain. Truly. I just wrote on facebook how I’m called to do everything without complaining. Everything. That goes for freezing to death because of crazy medications (or lack thereof).

I tell you this to ask you to specifically pray. I sat and cried this morning wondering how on earth I was going to do this for 5 more weeks–feel this miserable all the time. Would you pray for my endurance? Would you pray I’d find warmth somewhere? Would you pray we’d find a buyer for our too-large woodstove, so we can buy one that’s the right size for our family room? And on top of that would you pray for my phobia of fire, because, well, what good is a woodstove if I’m too scared to use it because of some childhood fear I can’t shake?

I ask you to pray, because I’m convinced there is nothing too small to bring to God. Even if my faith is as small as a mustard seed. No matter how weak I feel, and as Steve Harper says in his book, Talking in the Dark, “…no matter how I feel about prayer at any given moment, I’m still called to pray. My prayer, as God’s child, is never too small to get His attention.”

It may seem small.

But y’all, I’m c.o.l.d.

5 responses to “C.O.L.D.”

  1. judieyoung@hotmail.com Avatar
    judieyoung@hotmail.com

    My precious Angie,

    For us to live is Christ, Christ in us, a new life lived, one to draw from that gives us endurance, and it is for endurance that we endure. May you know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that you would be flooded with the love of God. May He direct you into His love and the steadfastness of Christ.

    My precious one, I have been praying for you, and in my weakness I do not know how to pray, but the Holy Spirit prays with groanings and utterances far deeper then my words can go, and our blessed Saviour is ever interceding for me before the throne of God. All heaven is committed to hear me and answer me on your behalf. I am walking in this and enduring in His love with you. You are suffering with Him and you will reign with Him. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!!

    Standing and abiding in faith,
    Judie
    xoxoxox

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  2. Dear friend, I’ve been catching up and I’ve wanted to comment on each and every post that tears are flowing and that I am in prayer for you. I am praying that your scan comes back clear, that you are done. I am praying for warmth – both physical and emotional. I am praying for endurance for you and your family.
    Your faith and strength continue to be an inspiration to me and the poem that was left for you about what Cancer cannot do, was so true. What you have done through your cancer is even stronger – you have inspired, you have taught strength, you have shown grace at the worst moments.
    May God be close in the coming weeks, days, hours, moments.

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  3. Dear one, after reading words such as these it is so difficult to even find words to express what my heart is wanting to say. I can’t even begin to imagine what this is like, and yet through it all you shine so ever brightly in your faith of our God. You encourage and bless me!!

    You ask for prayers and to that I have already committed. In my humanness I long and wish to do so much more. Yet, in my heart I have to believe that prayer is doing the greatest thing.

    It sounds so trite and so simple, but to this I continue to commit…
    In the gap, on my knees, with whispers of your name crossing my heart and lips as they are placed at the very feet of God Himself.

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  4. I’ll definitely pray friend. I wish it was as easy as thinking about being at a warm places, such as: C: California (southern Ca);
    O: Ozone layer (I assume it’s warm up there, we “burned” a whole through it right); L: Lava; D: desert.

    At least praying is as easy as having a conversation with your closest friend. I will pray that he wraps Himself around you and through you warming you from the inside, out.

    Love you friend!

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  5. I am certainly praying for you. Wish I could do more…maybe some day.

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