A Spring of Joy

I’m cold, y’all.

C.o.l.d.

No, freezing.

No, already an ice cube.

It’s this whole going off my meds thing, and it’s much worse than last time (or at least what I remember of last time). My body temperature is always cold… reptilian, perhaps? (Don’t even go there.)

When I took my shower this morning I didn’t use any cold water. I stood under burning hot water for 20 minutes and my fingernails were still blue. After my shower I dug through Brian’s closet and found some crazy old man wool cardigan sweater he’s had in there for years and never wears. I put it on over the other 3 layers I’m wearing. And then I put on a hat and gloves and wandered aimlessly around the house wondering where the warmest spot was, because I couldn’t go upstairs and snuggle under my heavy quilt and heated throw. So I sat in the kitchen next to running appliances where the room temperature read 76 degrees and I froze.

So why do I tell you this?

Not to complain. Truly. I just wrote on facebook how I’m called to do everything without complaining. Everything. That goes for freezing to death because of crazy medications (or lack thereof).

I tell you this to ask you to specifically pray. I sat and cried this morning wondering how on earth I was going to do this for 5 more weeks–feel this miserable all the time. Would you pray for my endurance? Would you pray I’d find warmth somewhere? Would you pray we’d find a buyer for our too-large woodstove, so we can buy one that’s the right size for our family room? And on top of that would you pray for my phobia of fire, because, well, what good is a woodstove if I’m too scared to use it because of some childhood fear I can’t shake?

I ask you to pray, because I’m convinced there is nothing too small to bring to God. Even if my faith is as small as a mustard seed. No matter how weak I feel, and as Steve Harper says in his book, Talking in the Dark, “…no matter how I feel about prayer at any given moment, I’m still called to pray. My prayer, as God’s child, is never too small to get His attention.”

It may seem small.

But y’all, I’m c.o.l.d.