“It is here, where we happen to be at this moment and not in another place or another time, that we may learn to love Him – here where it seems He is not at work, where His will seems obscure or frightening, where He is not doing what we expected Him to do, where He is most absent. Here and nowhere else is the appointed place. If faith does not go to work here, it will not go to work at all.” –Elisabeth Elliot

Recently, our friend, Rick posted on his facebook status “Rick still has a kid with cancer…”

I broke down when I read that. Of course, I break down every time I read Rick and Jessie’s blog, and whenever I talk about Andrew or pray for their family, and whenever I get off the phone after an hour long conversation with Jessie.

The thing about Facebook is that you can read into his words (that’s one of the huge downsides I’ve found on FB, but that’s another post for another time). Some people might take it as a “Wow. This is crazy…” or “I still can’t believe it…” or “it’s not over, even though things are calmer…” or as a plea to not forget them or as just a statement of overwhelming fact or something else entirely. I don’t know fully what was wrapped up in Rick’s status, but I do know this.

Rick and Jessie still have a son with cancer.


And I know how all of “still” feels. It’s been 2 1/2 years for us, and I still don’t know if we’re done. I still face needles next week and the panic attacks that come before them and scans and waiting. I’m still in pain, a lot of pain, y’all. I’m still in limbo. I’m still lonely and I still long for physical companionship as I walk this road. Bri and I still haven’t been in real community for 2 1/2 years in our church. And as much as people “do” for us, I still often feel very forgotten by people I thought would never forget. I’m still scared. I’m still clinging.

But it’s not just little Andrew or me…

It’s everyone around me.

Still a single mother.

Still lost a baby.

Still is a widower.

Still lost their parent.

Still has a spouse or child deployed.

Still longs for marriage.

Still has an addiction.

Still can’t get pregnant.

Still was abused.

Still is an orphan.

Still lives in Haiti.

Still has no diagnosis for years of pain.

Still has no job.

We still live in a fallen world.

But I also know my God says to me, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Do you know what peace covers me when I read those words or when I hear Him speaking them into my wounded heart?

I’m not talking about the “be still” part… I mean the I AM GOD part.

And I still believe.

God is still on His throne.

He still grieves with me.

He still sent His son.

He still forgives me every time I fall.

He still loves me.

He still smiles when He thinks of me

He still holds me.

He still has me inscribed in the palm of His hands.

He still is unchanging and eternal.

He still remembers every heartache, every fear, every pain.

He. still. wins.

He is still here.




12 responses to “Still”

  1. yes, Angie, such sweet truths. Two of my favorites – He is on His throne, and He has me inscribed in the palm of His hands. Thank you for these reminders. And thank you for sharing your heart. And please remember: we are still praying for you…


  2. Melissa Bruining Teeter Avatar
    Melissa Bruining Teeter

    How cleansing to let the tears fall as I read this tonight. I suppose I have gotten stuck in my “still” place, and that still turns to fear and fear leads to unbelief. Infertility is making me feel stuck physically, spiritually, emotionally. I think about it all the time, I dream, I wonder, I get mad, I question. I think I deserve my struggle, maybe I did something wrong along the way and this is my punishment. I start believing the lies of the enemy. I start disbelieving the truth of my God. Stupid fallen world!! I’m so consumed with it, that I’m not seeing all the blessings and amazing things God is doing in my life, in my marriage, in our new little church. And it’s stunting my spiritual growth! Slowly realizing that waiting is not passive. It’s active.

    Thank you for leading me to the cross with your words.

    Love to you always.


  3. I appreciate these words. Sometimes, when we are living in the moment, we forget about those that are less fortunate…those that are still hurting.

    I am thinking of you. Still.


  4. Avatar

    My precious Angie,

    He confirms to us “I will never leave or forsake you, Lo I am with you always, even to the ends of the earth.” Just to practice His presence, know this reality when I am in one of my struggles to die to myself, to face everything with knowing that He causes everything to work together for my good is quite a journey. The one that has saved me, not just offered salvation, must become my life.

    My dear sister, let’s walk not by sight, but by faith. His word is a lamp unto our feet and our light unto our path. At which time we are afraid, we will trust in the Lord.

    I think of you all the time and am praying for you.

    Grace be multiplied to you, that all sufficient grace,
    I love you dearly,


  5. Needed this today, I don’t remember these words enough: Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD. Praying for you.


  6. The I in this reading is Jesus.

    “I AM ABOVE ALL THINGS: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms. This is the way of Peace, living in the Light of My Presence. I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say “Help me, Jesus!” and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don’t be discouraged. I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place.” Sarah Young.

    I have had to say “Help me, Jesus” already a few times today and I know it will not be the last time.

    Thank you for this rich post.

    I love you!


  7. STILL hoping you know how much I love you and how many times I pray throughout the days and nights for you. STRENGTH. HEALING. GRACE.


  8. God is still using you to share his love.


  9. This post is amazing. Yes. yes and yes. I love you!


  10. This truth touched a place very deep in my heart. A place that desperately needed to be reminded of it! LOVED this! Thank you!!!


  11. And as much as people “do” for us, I still often feel very forgotten by people I thought would never forget. I’m still scared. I’m still clinging.

    I feel sinful that my heart also feels this way. Covt Pres has been awesome, looked after us, counseled and guided us, but like you, we have not really had true fellowship in several years either. I see women around me at church making plans, doing things together, going to the beach for the weekend, etc. I’m no longer asked. But my expectations are too high. This painful stuff is hard for people. They no longer know how to deal with it. At first, everyone comes around, then they are uncomfortable. If only they could see what people who have cancer or other serious illness need the most is first “them”, and secondly, and serving they may want to do. I’m still scared too Angie. Scared about my illness, scared about Gregs, scared about so many things we are facing. BUT, just like you, we keep going on, trusting God. And I STILL believe,
    and He is STILL with us,
    and He is STILL caring for us and blessing us in mighty ways,
    and He STILL hears our prayers for each other. Love you Angie. Hope next week gets here and goes by very quickly for you. Loving and praying for you. Carol (and Greg)


  12. Angie, you have a beautiful soul.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all. I, too, am still praying for you.



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