A Spring of Joy

She stood next to me in the kitchen asking about my future. “You’ve heard the impossible. So many of us just go to routine appointments and scans and check-ups and assume all is fine, and we don’t think about the ones who get the phone call. But you were that one. You know what it’s like to pick up the phone and hear the impossible,” she said.

Those words rang in my ears all morning as I prepared for my scan today. Another scan. Another waiting period. Another limbo.

And while, as others have told me, I have no reason to think the breast cancer has returned, I also have no reason to think it hasn’t. I don’t mean that in a pessimistic way. It’s just the reality of life. My statistics aren’t very promising for the stage of cancer that it was, and I know that.

But more encouraging is that God knows that, and with God I’m not a statistic.

Yes, it’s another scan, another waiting period, another limbo. But it’s another opportunity to trust God. To have faith in the One Who knows me and loves me whether or not there’s cancer again.

God glimpses… reminders that He loves me.

The voicemail from Nat saying she loves me and she’s only a phone call away. Hugs from my mom, tears and understanding how fearful this all is. The phone call from Beth on the way to my appt. letting me know she’s in St. Louis but her heart is here. The email from a far away bloggy friend reminding me of truth, that she hasn’t forgotten and neither has God. She covered my heart with this verse:

Psalm 73:28 (NIV) “But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge…”

What she didn’t know is that this was a portion of Scripture that was read at our wedding years ago, and has been the heartbeat of our life. God is our refuge. God is our goodness. God is our life.

And no matter what the scan reveals in the next few days, God’s presence is my good

(Thank you, Donnetta!)