Ask, Seek, Knock

It’s hard to be brave when you’re a Very Small Animal.
(~Piglet, from Winnie the Pooh)

My “Very Small Animal” or rather very small boy or rather medium-sized boy who is growing up much too quickly has been very brave lately, especially Tuesday.

He’s been fighting something for months… aches, fevers, flu-like symptoms, general malaise. My Buddy hasn’t been himself in a while.

And Tuesday I watched him writhe and struggle while they took six vials of blood from him to test him for all sorts of things that this momma doesn’t even want to think about. Things like lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, lyme disease, thyroid dysfunction…

And, y’all, I’m a mess.

The mess began when his vein blew. Yes. He inherited his momma’s veins. Two vials in and they had to re-stick him.

The mess got worse when I heard his quavering voice beg the nurse, “Please, can you be done now? Please, stop!”

And then I shoved the mess all down inside me, because I don’t want him to know what a mess I am over this, because I don’t want him to worry. Right now all he’s worried about is that he’ll have to have blood taken again, because he doesn’t “ever want to go through that again, Mom.” And I cry on the phone with Monica, who has watched her child suffer in ways I can’t even begin to grasp, and I hear understanding, tenderness, compassion, and then I become an even bigger mess.

This on the heels of a tooth extraction for my Bear on Monday because for some odd reason he had one tooth come in with no enamel on it.

Then yesterday was jam-packed with doctors for me and more blood tests and more decisions to be made.

And now today I am in bed with the stomach flu.

And I am an even worse mess.

I have been so overwhelmed with all the doctor’s appointments and trying to fix meals and keep my home together that I barely have any time to sit, and when I do, I cry. A lot.

There is a pervasive heaviness that is squeezing my heart so I can’t breathe. Waiting on Asher’s blood tests is killing me… dealing with stuff from my appointments yesterday… wondering how we’re going to pay for it all… stretching leftovers night after night to get us through…

I want to see Jesus. I know in my heart He is there, but the walls of life are just way too high and are blocking my view.

Then I read to my little ones this morning before school and we sing, “Ask, and it shall be given unto you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you.”

So I ask, I seek and knock.

And I know He will answer, because He always does.

I will keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking.

And I will keep waiting.

Will you ask and seek and knock for me? for us?

I just want to see Jesus in the mess.

13 responses to “Ask, Seek, Knock”

  1. yesyesyes! Will go to our great Lord on your behalf. That is one thing I know I CAN do for you! May He be enough for you today and fill your cup!


  2. I love that hymn. Keeping you all in my prayers – your poor little boy. Drawing blood is not pleasant especially that much and for someone so little. I hope you get answers quickly.


  3. I’m praying for Asher’s tests to come back okay and for him to have energy and joy again soon! And for you to get over the stomach flu and the compression in your heart. You will find a way – you and your family and your strong faith. Hang in there! You have come so far already!

    Sending lots of love and “be strong!” thoughts from Chicago…..


  4. I am not feeling well, either…and my head is foggy from cold medicine. So I have nothing inspiring, comforting, or brilliant to say. Probably nothing would comfort you, anyway, until those blood tests come back.

    Praying for you and your family, to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and to get to that light quickly.

    Wish I could bring you some saltines and some ginger ale. That always made me feel better when I was a girl. Hugs!


  5. Praying for you guys, especially Asher. Poor little guy–needles aren’t fun for any of us, but especially not for our young ones!


  6. Melissa Bruining Teeter Avatar
    Melissa Bruining Teeter

    Oh, sweet Angie. Praying for you and your family. . . love you. . .

    “Come unto Me, all who are weak, weary and heavy laden. . . “


  7. I love the parallel drawn to Christ’s suffering. Every time I get a shot or have blood drawn, I’m reminded of how Christ died. He gave so much more blood than I ever could. He gave all of it. And praise God he did.


  8. Angie, I would consider it a privilege to “ask and seek and knock” for you and yours. He Hears, He Cares, He is There, & He Provides. Love to you and your precious family.


  9. Sending Love, Prayers, and Hugs to you. Love you and pray things are going to be okay. I love you. Cling to God and His Ever Lasting Promises.



  10. Emily Massengill Avatar
    Emily Massengill

    Oh Angie,
    So sorry to hear that Ash isn’t feeling well and that he had to go through all those awful tests. Tell him Miss Em and Mr. Drew love him and are praying for him and are so proud of how brave he is! I hope when they get to the bottom of it they will find something very treatable and very temporary. And the stomach flu is the worst! blah! I am so glad that things weren’t meant to be this way and that we won’t always be stuck in these fallen, broken bodies. No more pain or crying or mourning or tests or needles or sickness. Groaning with you until that day…..



  11. Sweetie,
    I hope you were able to see Jesus in that cute little girl with the cheezeit’s, in celebrating your hubby’s bday, and in the small still voice. I love u hunny.



  12. Avatar

    My sweet adopted daughter,

    Casting all of our cares on Him for He cares. His burden is light and His yoke is well fitting.

    My dear one I stand in need to be clothed in Him. I have been praying for you. Asking Him to fill you with the knowledge of His will with all spiritual wisdom and understanding that Christ will dwell in your heart through faith. Oh to have the Father to clothe us. To rest in the joy that Christ had when He layed down His life for us. He wants our joy to be full. May the God of hope fill us with joy and peace in believing that we will dwell in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. He is working all things together for our good. We have been called with a holy calling and we are predestined to be more like His Son.

    Love and blessings abound to you in fullest measure and too your precious little one.



  13. Praying!


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