A Spring of Joy

How do I do this?

That question runs through my mind at least 10 times a day. No make that 100 times a day.

I can’t even care for my house plants, much less all the flowers in our yard, much less start a small vegetable garden.

So how do I care for the children in my home? For my marriage? For my friendships? Without care they will suffer.

People ask me or Brian how I am, and my throwback answer is, “Mostly dead all day.” My body is not recovering like I hoped it would and life is beyond overwhelming. The fatigue, the pain; it’s not lifting. The infection in my arm sent me into a lupus flare.

Yesterday morning I woke up to the alarm and just moving to slam it off found my whole body screaming at me.

I asked Bri to make breakfast and then to find the license plate of the truck that hit me. And once again, my kids were late for school. Then I sat and worked on paying bills and cried over the pile that keeps collecting and wondered how we’re supposed do this.

It has felt a little bit like the rug has been pulled out from under us lately. Okay. It has felt a LOT like the rug has been pulled out from under us lately. Between Asher’s health stuff, stomach bugs, hospital visits, and my painfully slow recovery, I rarely get the time to just sit and soak in the goodness of life. Yes. The goodness of life. Because as hard as it all is, there is still so much goodness there.

I’m facing a very different life now, and it’s scary to think about what it will look like. So much in our lives have changed. So many of my priorities have changed. My friendships have changed. My energy and abilities have changed. My heart has changed. My faith and my view of God have changed. My wounds have changed.

And in the midst of all the crazy and questions. In the midst of all the fragility we are feeling. In the frustration of wondering how we are supposed to do all this… care for our children, recover from my infection, get hospital bills paid and children to functions, pursue relationship with each other, etc. we know we still have one thing. We still have security. We have Christ. And we have a faith that clings to Him no matter what.

I keep going back every day to the same truth, the truth that is bombarding me this week.

He is the answer.

So, I guess I just answered my question, huh?

HE is how I do all this.