Mostly Dead All Day…

How do I do this?

That question runs through my mind at least 10 times a day. No make that 100 times a day.

I can’t even care for my house plants, much less all the flowers in our yard, much less start a small vegetable garden.

So how do I care for the children in my home? For my marriage? For my friendships? Without care they will suffer.

People ask me or Brian how I am, and my throwback answer is, “Mostly dead all day.” My body is not recovering like I hoped it would and life is beyond overwhelming. The fatigue, the pain; it’s not lifting. The infection in my arm sent me into a lupus flare.

Yesterday morning I woke up to the alarm and just moving to slam it off found my whole body screaming at me.

I asked Bri to make breakfast and then to find the license plate of the truck that hit me. And once again, my kids were late for school. Then I sat and worked on paying bills and cried over the pile that keeps collecting and wondered how we’re supposed do this.

It has felt a little bit like the rug has been pulled out from under us lately. Okay. It has felt a LOT like the rug has been pulled out from under us lately. Between Asher’s health stuff, stomach bugs, hospital visits, and my painfully slow recovery, I rarely get the time to just sit and soak in the goodness of life. Yes. The goodness of life. Because as hard as it all is, there is still so much goodness there.

I’m facing a very different life now, and it’s scary to think about what it will look like. So much in our lives have changed. So many of my priorities have changed. My friendships have changed. My energy and abilities have changed. My heart has changed. My faith and my view of God have changed. My wounds have changed.

And in the midst of all the crazy and questions. In the midst of all the fragility we are feeling. In the frustration of wondering how we are supposed to do all this… care for our children, recover from my infection, get hospital bills paid and children to functions, pursue relationship with each other, etc. we know we still have one thing. We still have security. We have Christ. And we have a faith that clings to Him no matter what.

I keep going back every day to the same truth, the truth that is bombarding me this week.

He is the answer.

So, I guess I just answered my question, huh?

HE is how I do all this.

5 responses to “Mostly Dead All Day…”

  1. You are so full of faith. I wish that I had that same faith…as deeply as you have it.

    I don’t know how you do it. But I am so glad you have your faith.

    Praying for you! Praying that peace falls over you.

    Like

  2. One of many great things about your blog, Angie, is that you are good at balancing the messiness of life and the ability to seek Jesus in the midst. The messiness doesn’t ever go away – but we know Jesus stands in the middle of it with us. Oh, it’s so hard! But you are modeling to so many of us the wrestling that we must do this side of Heaven.
    Praying for you today, that you get glimpses of Heaven in that mess…

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  3. Emily Massengill Avatar
    Emily Massengill

    Hi Angie. I just want you to know that I love you and I’ll always be your friend. I’ll keep praying for ya’ll in this tough season.

    Ems

    Like

  4. You are such an inspiration to me! Thank you for the reminder that the tough things of life aren’t negated, it’s just that the strength He provides is that much more.

    I needed this reminder today… He is indeed how I do this thing called life, this journey that He has chosen to take me on.

    Also know that it’s times such as these that cause me to hate the distance and miles that separates me from being closer to just come and do whatever it is that would be beneficial, helpful and encouraging to you… *sigh*

    So grateful that the distance and those miles are not too great for the things I ask of God on your behalf!

    Be confident I continue in prayer…for YOU!

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  5. Leah Kirkpatrick Avatar
    Leah Kirkpatrick

    Love you, Angie.

    Anything I can do for you, like bring a meal sometime? Or come play with the kids so you can take a nap? Let me know.

    Leah

    Like

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