A Spring of Joy

It happens in an instant. Unexpected. I know things are unsettled, but I do not know what it is that I say or do that triggers outbursts, meltdowns, arguments, emergence of the strong will.

Suddenly I am face to face with rebellion and anger, and I must swallow mine in order to love, train and teach.

And God’s Word rings in my ears…“let NOTHING unwholesome proceed out of your mouth… only that which edifies…for the need of the moment…so it will give grace…”

How do I do this?

We look at each other, eyes searching, wondering who will break first, but it is not my job to break. It is my job to bend–bend their hearts towards the Son of righteousness, so that they will grow. I must speak. But how to bend?

“let NOTHING unwholesome proceed out of your mouth… only that which edifies…for the need of the moment…so it will give grace…”

Each moment is full of the need of grace. And I fail far more than I succeed, but failing does not make me a failure.

This parenting is hard, but if it were not hard, it would not be parenting.

This parenting is not convenient, but if it were convenient, it would not be parenting.

These children are gifts no matter how difficult parenting them may be. Difficulty does not diminish the goodness of God. It only increases my dependency on Him and His goodness.

That is how the words can come. Through Him. Because of Him and His grace. That is only how I can give grace.

“let NOTHING unwholesome proceed out of your mouth… only that which edifies…for the need of the moment…so it will give grace…”

It is only when I am not dependent on Him that the lens through which I view my children blurs and cracks and distorts.

But when I look at them through His eyes I see them clearly. The way I need to see them. The way I want to see them. As gifts. And I fall on my knees and beg God for wisdom and strength. For grace and love. Because I so desperately need Him and so do my children.

“let NOTHING unwholesome proceed out of your mouth… only that which edifies…for the need of the moment…so it will give grace…”

They need to see Him through me, and how can they see him through me if I view them as a nuisance, an inconvenience, an interruption to my day or my plans or my life? How can others see Him in me if I complain and groan and disrespect my children and their reputation?

No. I parent them and I love them, and I accept parenthood for what it is.

Daily denying self.

Work.

But oh, what joyous work!

At the end of the day when they curl up beside me, head on my shoulder, the words, “I’m sorry…” come.

There is the boy who looks at me and I ask, “What will you tell your friends?” and he says, “The truth. I messed up. I sinned.”

“let NOTHING unwholesome proceed out of your mouth… only that which edifies…for the need of the moment…so it will give grace…”

Their words. My words. They have changed from unwholesome to edifying because of God’s grace.

And I see the Gospel.

It is there and they are growing.

And as I bend them toward the son of righteousness, I see the shoots deepen into the earth and the saplings stand tall.

And I fall to my knees. Thankful for His gift.

This joyous work of parenthood.