What are the Odds?

Picture our little redhead, all bundled in her life vest on the back of a ski boat watching her daddy floating in the water beside her. “Come on in,” he calls to her, ‘I’ll hold you.” She knew it was a very deep lake, and the lake water was very black, and she knew she wasn’t a strong swimmer, and she was fearful.

She inched over the side and sat on the ledge, and Brian’s hands reached for her to draw her into the water with him. She pushed his hands away, “No, Daddy.”

He looked at her, “Do you trust your daddy?”

She stared right back, “Sort of.”

That dear girl. Bri knew there was nothing for her to fear. Not only was she wearing a life jacket, but she would have been in his strong arms. She couldn’t get beyond the depth and darkness of the water or her own inability to swim.

Oh, friends, I am so like my little girl!

I look around and see the darkness and the depths of pain and fear. I have had so many nightmares in my life, and this cancer monster has sucked so much life from me. It is easy to live in fear, to wonder if tomorrow they will find another tumor or worse.

Fear paralyzes me into forgetting who is waiting to hold me in the depths.

August 27th.

The day I can say I have been breast cancer free for five years!

The five year mark is huge, friends, HUGE! My risk of recurrence has lessened even more… 89% of women who reach the five year mark do not have recurrence.

We are thrilled to have reached this mark, and I love that it follows on the heels of such good news with my genetic testing.

Y’all, fear still tries to squeeze the joy from this celebration. Satan is working overtime to rob even this from me.

My timid heart says, “So what’s five years? I’ve had thyroid and colon, too. What are the odds? The odds are not in my favor.”

I picture God smiling and asking, “Ang, do you trust your daddy?”

And unflinchingly, I say, “Sort of.”

The thing is, He’s trustworthy, and I long to trust him with a vehemence that says, “You, Lord, are the Maker of Heaven and Earth. To whom else can I go? Who else could I trust?”

No, the odds aren’t in my favor

But…

God is in my favor.

And whether or not I have a recurrence, He is still holding me. He is still working for me. He is fully worthy of my trust.

And this… this is the picture that comes to mind, the heart of faith I long to own:

He remembered being in a garden at dusk. The sky was purple and the lamps had been lit, and Peter was small. His father picked him up and tossed him high and then caught him over and over again. Peter’s mother was there, too…

“Don’t drop him,” said Peter’s mother to his father. “Don’t you dare drop him.” She was laughing.

“I will not,” said his father. “I could not…”

Again and again, Peter’s father threw him up in the air. Again and again, Peter felt himself suspended in nothingness for a moment, just a moment, and then he was pulled back, returned to the sweetness of the earth and the warmth of his father’s waiting arms.

(~from The Magician’s Elephant, by Kate DiCamillo)

Is He trustworthy?

Will He fail me?

He will not.

He could not.

Think about it.

He could not.

7 responses to “What are the Odds?”

  1. Beautiful words. Beautiful Truth. Oh, to believe and cling to that beautiful Truth. Thank you.

    Like

    1. Yes… Oh, for grace to trust Him more! Love you, friend. 🙂

      Like

  2. susan davenport Avatar
    susan davenport

    So very thankful for this special milestone in your life!!! He is good, no matter what He sends our way-something I must remember too. Much love to you all there. We do rejoice with you!!! Susan

    Like

  3. My dear Angie,

    Thank God for His love that is poured in our hearts, love that casts out all fear, love that believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things, love that will never fail. This is the love that is working in you.

    God you forever,
    Judie

    Like

  4. We bow our heads and say PRAISE THE LORD FOR THESE FIVE YEARS!! And may He bless you with many many more years to serve Him!

    Like

    1. Amen, and amen.

      Like

  5. I love the example you gave at the beginning, of jumping, because I have a fond memory from last summer along the same lines. I was in Japan, and struggling to trust (on a much lower level!) and took a walk in the park to sort it all out in my head. There was an ice cream stand, and I was enjoying the day, when I noticed a father and his little girl, who was wearing pigtails and a red jumper. She had climbed up on a table, and couldn’t get down, so her father motioned for her to jump. He was only standing three feet away, but she beckoned for him to come a little closer. I could tell that he was asking if she trusted him or not, and he was laughing, because it was clear that he could catch her. She motioned with her finger to come closer, and he did, and then she finally jumped. After that, she climbed again, but this time, she asked her daddy to go farther away so that she could jump farther! I started to drip melty tears all over the place… About the same effect that this blog had on me!!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: