This Breath That Wafts

The breath that wafts
from some blessed corner of Paradise
gives sweetness
to the bitterness of this region,
it tempers the curse
on this earth of ours.
(~Ephrem the Syrian)

A few days ago, I sat across from my oncologist at a routine six month checkup and found myself catching my breath once again. I have been struggling with back pain over the past few months. I assumed it was stress or the osteoporosis becoming osteoarthritis or perhaps the fact that I’ve had so many abdominal and chest surgeries that my core is weakened badly.


You might be able to guess where this is going…

I have a bone scan on Thursday. She is looking to see if there might be cancer in my spine.

I am struggling, friends. I am tired of living life with a pit in my stomach, wondering and waiting.

I am waking in the night begging God for no more cancer. Ever. Then lying awake for hours battling the lies of Satan who tells me I’m not worth God’s time or your time either. Lies. So many of them.

Weariness fills my steps.

And then… then it comes. The words of a song. The prayers of friends this morning. The phone call to encourage. The joy of children thrilling to life. The beauty of fall weather cascading upon us. Watching my Bear practice football (I do love being a football mom!). Chopping and stirring and creating delicious sauces and stews to freeze for the cold months ahead. Curling up for after school naps with my Bella. Moments. Beautiful moments that remind me that there is so much more to this life than struggle.

Deep breaths.

And I am covered with the sweetness of paradise.

Thank You, Lord, that in the bitterness of struggle and the impatience of waiting, I breathe the sweet breath of Paradise with which You fill my days… sweet friendships, snuggly children, gentle breezes, warm kitchens, and delicious foods. Only You can give the eyes to see beyond the muck and mire. Only You can fill each breath with sweetness, for if I breathe in my own strength, I only smell and feel the curse. My days are already written in Your book, and my life is in Your hands. Only You can give me life to live, breath to breathe. Thank You for this life. Each moment of it.

7 responses to “This Breath That Wafts”

  1. Hounding heaven for you.


  2. Angie, I sit here with tears and so many words going through my head. Yet none of those words seem anything close to what I feel for you and your precious family. I will pray for you. I will pray for NO more Cancer. Dear Lord – I pray that you touch Angie during this time with the warmth of your presence. I pray that you bring her good news, No more cancer. I pray that you continue to let her be the shining light for you, for many many years. I pray that she can continue to nurture and raise her children to love and know you, that she can prepare their weddings and hold her grandbabies. I pray this in your wonderful name – Amen


  3. Sweet friend, your words and struggle, hopes and fears, cause us to run before the Throne of Grace in your behalf. Know we are praying and trusting and know our Lord and Savior have you right in the palm of His hand. May the peace of our God which passes all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. May this night you experience Psalm 4:8. “I will both lie down and sleep for you alone, O Lord, can cause me to dwell in peace and safety.”. Much love. Dale and Ginny


  4. Dear Angie, there are many prayers being lifted up on your behalf from this part of Lancaster. I love you dearly!


  5. Dear Dear Sweet Friend,
    Reading your post and the possibility of another bout of cancer has saddened me as I lay here on my bed checking facebook one more time before bed. I will be praying for you for peace, and trust and great comfort and that there would be NO cancer in your spine and that the pain would subside.
    I love you so much and am praying for you and your sweet sweet family!


  6. Angie,

    You are so worth my time, my prayers, my tears and someday, I just know it, my in person real life hugs! I don’t know how you carry this burden – and it is one of my top 5 questions for God when I meet Him, why you must. Please know you are in my prayers, and if there is anything I can do, just say the word.


  7. My precious Angie,

    There are so many tests and trials, trials that prove our faith is genuine, tests that shows the endurance, and at the end of it is a revelation of the one who ordered these not to destroy our faith, but to reveal that He gave it to us, a free gift of God’s grace. May grace, mercy and peace abound to you in fullest measure.

    I love you dearly,


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: