A Spring of Joy

Life’s whirlwind is swirling around me viciously, and I am unable to catch my breath or my thoughts or my words, and then I sit with a friend at church and she asks about my bone scan, and I realize… I put it on Facebook, but I never put it here.

The bone scan was clear.

Clear.

Those words taste sweet even when I’m writing them and not saying them.

We are so very relieved and thankful.

I spoke with a friend this morning, and he was celebrating our recent good news with us, and I told him how I get scared to fully celebrate. My life has been such a roller coaster, and it seems every time we sigh with relief we turn around and are hit with something else.

Honestly, y’all I’m still holding my breath. If I fully release and celebrate then something else will hit, so if I don’t sigh with relief, then the next thing can’t hit us, right?

And I realize that’s not faith.

Faith takes each day as it comes and accepts that it holds exactly what God allows it to. Faith believes that He has numbered my days and lives in the joy of each day that He’s given me.

That is the faith I long to have.

Not a loosey-goosey, won’t admit life is hard, everything is lovely even when it’s not kind of faith. Not a faith that dismisses the hard by faking joy. I want a faith that says life is hard, but it is good.

Y’all, life is hard for me every. single. day. And I must sit with the hardness. I must accept the hardness. And I must choose joy in the midst of the hardness.

I long for a faith that completely acknowledges that the hard things in life don’t make God distant or harsh. And the good things in life don’t make God better.

He. never. changes.

There are hard things, yes, but there are so many good things.

So I will sit today and celebrate.

I’ll let go of the breath I’ve been holding for weeks and I’ll savor that sip of coffee a little more deeply; I’ll revel in that snuggle a little longer; I’ll allow the tears to flow in worship a little easier; I’ll live today a little more fully; and I’ll ask Him to allow me to live tomorrow a little more fully than today.

Because even thought it’s hard, each day is a gift.

Thank you, friends, for your patience and grace with me. I need it. Every day. You bless me so.