This is the update I didn’t want to write…the one I don’t even know how to write.
Remember how last post I said, if the pathology comes back different, we bag the whole thing and start over?
We’re bagging it.
The pathology came back, and oh, my friends, I am so broken. This is breast cancer recurrence. This is no surgery and this is chemotherapy as soon as they can start it. This is not curative, this is hoping to keep the cancer at bay and send it into remission. This is a new lifestyle for us.
This is scary as you know what…
A few more bullet points for y’all:
–the cancer is not in my organs, bones or brain, only in some of my lymph nodes in my neck and chest and one near my liver.
–they took a bunch of bloodwork and will use that along with pathology to determine best kind of chemo to give me. The chemo will not be as severe as I had before, but it will be longer term.
–the fact that the cancer took seven years to recur is good prognostically, because it means it moved slowly.
–we don’t have much more than this to share. We have a lot of questions still, too, as we begin again in the unknown yet known.
We are broken. We are scared. We are reeling. We are so very, very sad.
Today we celebrated at a wedding of two wonderful, beautiful, sweet friends. When the doors opened and the mother of the bride walked in, I thought I was going to throw up and all I could think was, ‘Please? Oh God, please?”
I believe God could heal me tomorrow. I believe they could find a cure for cancer. I believe this could go into remission for a very, very long time. I also believe that God doesn’t make mistakes. I Know the truth is that if none of the above happens He is still good.
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
Last night at supper our dear Ash prayed for God to help us to live whatever He had for us. *sigh*
I just want us all to see more and more of Him.
Roughly a year ago, my Brian and I sang this for our church congregation:
“Though tonight I’m crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You’re still all that I need
You’re enough for me
You’re enough for me”
Oh, friends, will you pray for us to find Him enough?
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