What Now?

Many of you have been waiting and wondering. I know, because many have asked me, “What now?”

We’ve been waiting and wondering, too.

Yesterday we finally saw our oncologist, and may I just say again, “She. Is. Wonderful.” She made it clear that she is with us in this battle, that this isn’t her dictating to us what we should do, that this was our plan to work on together.

I will start chemo on Monday. It will be week on, week on, week off.

Right now we know for certain of one chemo that I will receive; however, there may be a second type added in (there is more pathology they are waiting on) which will target a protein for which my cancer is testing positive.

This will be a more gentle chemo than what I’ve had in the past. We won’t know for sure until I begin, but it usually has tolerable side effects and low toxicity. That is encouraging to hear. Obviously, she can’t promise that it will be the same for me, but we are hopeful I will be able to feel fairly well.

As for how long I’ll be on it? There is no end in sight. I will basically be on some form of treatment until we choose to stop or until it can no longer fight the cancer in my body… or until they find a cure.

That part was a bitter pill to swallow.

We are struggling to take in the extensive nature of this… the neverendingness of it all. That was the part that was so disheartening and overwhelming. To live with death so palpably in my body… to always wonder if it has exploded/spread… to always be receiving some form of treatment… it is all so very much to take in.

We shared with our church small group last night how different life looks when you are face to face with your mortality. It’s a constant learning and growing process. We are taking deep breaths and settling in for the battle.

But we are thankful.

During our Thanksgiving service Sunday night, our pastor shared, “Contentment is what is behind thankfulness, because without contentment, we think we deserve more from God than what we have.”

Yes!

I got up this morning to a snow covered yard, and I sit in cozy a home next to a roaring fire. I have cooked sausage and onions for the stuffing and have a twelve pound turkey in my fridge. The boys are sleeping in and Bella is in awe of the snow. Cooper is causing all kinds of trouble, but his sad face when I fuss at him melts my heart. Bri’s sister and her family are preparing to come fill our home with family and laughter and beautiful noise for the holiday.

God will never withhold from us what we have to have.

He has given us so much. He has given us life. He has given us His Son. He has given us each other. He has given us you.

And He will give us the grace and strength to face this new lifestyle, and He will grow us as we learn it. It won’t be easy. We will struggle. We will fail. We will fall. But He will lift us up, and He has surrounded us with many who will walk with us, struggle with us, and carry us when we fall. Of that we are certain.

Thank you, friends, for your love, your support, your care. I don’t say it lightly when I say how very blessed we are.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

5 responses to “What Now?”

  1. Love you.

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  2. And a Happy Thanksgiving to you and your dear family .Our prayers are with all of you everyday. God is good .We love you and so Thankful for you .Carol

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  3. I have been following your blog on and off for a few yrs. now and want you to know, our church in Verona is praying for you ,thanks to the many friends you have there. (Emmanuel Baptist ) .
    Wishing you and your family the best,during this difficult time .

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  4. My precious Angie,

    You are constantly in my prayers that the God of hope will fill you with joy and peace in believing that you may dwell in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Hope that is an anchor to our soul. Hope that does not disappoint us for the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts through Jesus Christ.

    Now to Him who is able to do what we could ever expect or imagine according to the power that works in us mightly be glory, honor and power.

    May His grace abound to you and your precious family,
    Love and blessings,
    Judie

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  5. Betty Anne Schlegel Avatar
    Betty Anne Schlegel

    Our prayers are with you as you start your treatment. Hoping the drugs will be kind to your body, but not to your cancer. As we begin Advent, may you feel a renewal in your soul and God comes to you afresh to fill you with strength and hope. We love you.

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