I Do Know This

Every now and then I think how I should update y’all on where we are with treatment, and often I hesitate because it’s the same old thing. Go to chemo, feel miserable for a few days, feel okay for a few days, go to chemo again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat cycle ad nauseam (pun intended).

So this morning I went as normal to my chemo and wound up leaving half an hour later sans chemo.

I had my tumor markers checked last week. It’s a blood test to see how well the chemo is working and about two months ago we celebrated that those markers had dropped by one-third.

Today was not a celebratory day.

Sadly, my friends, my markers are rising and while not the same as when I began, the rise is significant enough to warrant a PET scan to see what they can see and to determine if there are any new metastases.

Huge. Deep. Shuddering. Breaths.

She chose to let me avoid chemo this week so I would at least feel pretty well (why kick a man when he’s down?… I do love my oncologist!) and they are going to schedule the PET for later this week or early next. Then I will see my doctor to determine where we go from here.

She said every chemo has a shelf life. I had so hoped the shelf life on mine would be a lot longer. I don’t know many details other than this. I assume we will try a new chemo once we know something more certain.

I do know this.

We are scared. This waiting is agonizing. This wondering is terrifying.

I do know this.

It is not hopeless. As my daddy told me today, “It’s never hopeless.”

I do know this.

Our God is always with us and He’ll never forsake us.

I do know this.

Everything matters. My father-in-law even surprised me with a Five Guys burger today–comfort food for a bad day.

I do know this.

We are loved. The support we have is overwhelming.

As we know more, I’ll update (and hopefully I’ll write more in between… I’ve been in a bit of a writing funk lately).

I do know this.

Your prayers and love are a balm to our weary, weary souls.

(In a not-so-hilarious-but-head-shaking-“seriously?” turn of events, I’ve also been summonsed for jury duty. While I consider my civic duty very important, would you pray I can get an exclusion ahead of time?)

7 responses to “I Do Know This”

  1. I am so sorry for your worry and for your pain, and for the worry and pain of your family.

    I know there is nothing I can say to help, but I want you to know that I think of you often and Will continue to pray without ceasing.

    Love to all of you Angie.

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  2. So sorry, Angie! Will be praying more! Dads can be so comforting! Love & prayers…

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  3. I’m praying for you and your wonderful family.

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  4. Carrying your heart, friend. Our Hope will never ever disappoint. I love you with every part of my heart. Praying peace over you, Brian, your beloved children and your family. Lean hard into Him.

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  5. Praying for that Jury excuse. It shouldn’t be any problem, as long as you provide the needed info & your doc signature!

    I am a friend of John & Susan Aleshire and pray for you often. My husband is a 3 time cancer surviver, so we know some of what you are going through.

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  6. My precious Angie,

    In James we have a victory before us no matter what comes our way.

    “Count is all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

    Faith that is a light to our souls and comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

    May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing that you may dwell in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

    Praying for His glorious will to fill you with joy.

    Love and blessings,
    Judie
    xoxo

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  7. I’ve just found this and I can understand your exhaustion, sometimes fear and just being sick and tired of always having to think about and wonder what is going on in your body and then to go through the treatments which rob us of our quality of life. I too have been a breast cancer patient since 2002 and the metastases that follow and would love to talk to you about it if there is anyway possible to do it. I have some info on a new process which has worked really well on me and I would like to share it. I was blessed with a physician’s assistant in oncology who knew about it, did the research and we tried it. It has worked beautifully and my quality of life has been great, You have my e-mail please contact me if you would like to know the name of the drug.

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