A Spring of Joy

And now it’s time for another tedious update with a little bit of complex language and medical terms. Bri and I are becoming quite fluent in oncology speak. I hope I don’t bore you… or lose you. *smile*

On Thursday of last week I got a call from one of my oncology nurses that my tumor markers (a measure through blood work that they do) had risen slightly and my oncologist wanted me to get a CT before she saw me Tuesday (today). While I was trying to collect my thoughts and figure out what this could mean, they called and had a CT appointment for me that afternoon. My world spun, but I headed on in. The nice thing was I didn’t have to drink that nasty “berry” flavored CT prep because there wasn’t time. Instead they did rapid prep which was much more tolerable. The CT went well and I didn’t get the horrible headache I normally get afterward.

Friday I had to go in for an echocardiogram. They are watching my heart because one of the drugs I am on can cause damage to the heart. So far mine has been fine.

All this allowed for me to join Brian and my children camping at a roots music festival this weekend and have a fairly restful time even in the waiting. I cried a lot, I must say. Good conversations with friends, amazing food, and incredible music kinda does something to me. Music especially often speaks the words that I cannot. And saying goodbye to friends with the nagging question of “Am I awaiting bad news when I return? What if this is the last time I get to come?” set me off on a good, hard and cleansing crying jag.

We saw my oncologist today and my echocardiogram continues to be fine. I have a nice, healthy heart.

Here’s what’s happening with my cancer.

All the places they have been watching are stable and show no change. This is a good thing. They did; however, see a thickening tissue around the outside of my colon that’s near where my colon cancer surgery was. This is new and could be a breast cancer metastasis; however, this is rare with my type of cancer (it’s more common in lobular breast cancers which mine is not). She did mention that I have had a lot of surgeries and procedures with my abdomen, so it could be some kind of benign tissue as well. Sooooo… I have to go for a biopsy so they can determine what this tissue is.

*sigh*

I don’t know yet when the biopsy will be. What the biopsy shows will determine course of treatment. If the biopsy shows benign tissue, I’ll stay the course. If it’s cancer, I’ll start a new regimen of chemo (this time she’s looking at an oral chemo as long as my insurance will cover it).

Overwhelmed is an understatement, and I dread having yet another procedure. I am weary of it all… in every way, and I beg God for my life… for many, many more years with my loves. I beg Him for His comfort and presence. And I beg Him for a heart submissive to His will whatever it may be. I have so much to learn as we walk through this suffering. I want to know Him so deeply that I have no doubt of His goodness.

I’m thankful for each of you that comes here and reads and wants to understand what’s happening. I’m thankful for every encouragement and every prayer. I know I don’t have any concept of how many of you there are. I am humbled.

We are blessed. We are loved.

Of that we are certain.

“Nothing will happen to me that He has not written into His book, and He knows how my story will end.” (Paul David Tripp)