Unfit for Publication

“I blush to add that when the bird
Took in the situation
He said one brief, emphatic word,
Unfit for publication.”
(~Guy Wetmore Carryl)

My Bear is memorizing The Sycophantic Fox and the Gullible Raven for his literature class. When he recited this stanza to me, I thought to myself, “How fitting for today.” (Although to be quite honest, I’ve heard no words unfit for publication from myself or my hubby today.)

This may be a bit of a grumbly post… a rambling post… an honest post… and an overwhelming “Seriously?” kind of post.

You see, everything around us seems to be falling apart. Our downstairs bathroom is under renovation due to a leaking shower, and the chaos and clutter of our home is a bit, well… chaotic and cluttery. Bri is having a hard time finding time to work on the renovation because he’s in a busy season with work and the kids have track and softball and I have chemo and well, we have a life to try to live, too. In the midst of the renovation, our water heater blew. So Bri replaced that, but it’s larger than the old one which meant ripping out shelves and my pantry, so my pantry is now my dining room. But we have hot water!

The water pump on my car is getting fixed tomorrow. Our washing machine broke two weeks ago. We ordered the part, and my dad (who is MacGyver in the flesh) spent Thursday tearing apart the washer to put the new part in for us, only when he got the new part ready to put in, he found a crack that happened during shipping. So we are returning the part and getting another one, only now they are out of stock, and I am without a washer indefinitely (and now we have washer parts strewn all over our only working bathroom; however, they’re strewn neatly because that’s the kind of man Daddy is). My mom took a bunch of laundry home with her, but I’m hand washing our unmentionables and the children are learning to not just throw things in the dirty clothes that they’ve had on for five minutes. *grin*

Tomorrow, a guy is coming to look at our house’s foundation, because we’ve found a spot or two that look rather crumbly and inside our 120 year old house, you can see it’s leaning a bit more. *sigh*

I keep telling myself, this will all be over in a few months. That it’s the normal wear and tear of life. Things happen. And praise God, we have a life together that has normal things that happen.

Then today happened.

Bri and the kids went with friends for the last day of skiing season on the mountain. And about two hours after they left, I got a call from Tim. “Have you heard from Brian?” Ummmm… no. Turns out he fell snowboarding and his finger was injured, like immediately swollen and twisted, either broken or dislocated. Tim had all the kids. Milt was taking him to the ER. Seriously?

When I talked to Bri he was a bit incoherent, and I was really okay until he told me they had to cut off his wedding ring. Tears, y’all, tears. I put that ring on his finger almost 20 years ago…
He has a spiral fracture and sees an orthopedic doctor tomorrow to talk possible surgery.

It could’ve been a lot worse. I keep telling myself that. It could’ve been an arm or a leg or a concussion or an even worse injury. I won’t go there. It could’ve been one of the kids. Bri is a rock star when it comes to sickness and injury. He really is. I know the stereotype of whiny men. I don’t have one of those. His pain threshold is very high, and he pushes far past a normal person’s breaking point. Honestly, y’all, I’m the sissy in our family. After today, I’d have popped a very potent pain pill and curled up in bed expecting everyone to cater to my needs. Not Bri. He got home from the ER and showed up at our church’s talent show tonight, huge bandage on his arm, couple of ibuprofen and, “I’m fine as long as I don’t move it.”


I keep asking, “How are we supposed to do this?” If he has surgery… how am I supposed to take care of him and have chemo at the same time? And what about all. this. stuff.? How do we add all this in? Will we even be able to take our spring break trip now?


Friends, I know all the right answers. Perspective, for one thing. Yes. I know this all stinks, but just one week ago, we were celebrating some of the best news we could have heard about my cancer. None of this is life-threatening. It’s just life.

And as for how we’ll get through it all. I know how. I’ve written about our community so many times… I know we’ll be carried and cared for. I know we’ll be loved and prayed for. I know it will all work out for our good. It always has. It always will.

And in five months, Lord willing, we’ll celebrate our anniversary with or without his ring. It has our life verse engraved inside. Joshua 24:15–as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. We’re still together weathering all the brokenness life brings and thankful for the good gifts God has given us… a home with two bathrooms, a washing machine, a firm foundation for our family, a community who rallies to encourage and provide, and the love of 20 years.

Living through this brings the sweetest kind of love.

2 responses to “Unfit for Publication”

  1. I love that you echo the doubts, confusion, frustrations, and weariness that we all experience. We know the right answers and we are confident that God is in control. But we are frail and weak and often lose our firm grip on all God’s promises. Praise the Lord – HE never loses his firm grip on us. The prayers and caring of God’s people will carry you and your family through these times.


  2. melissa moslow Avatar
    melissa moslow

    Dear sister, let me start off by saying, reading your whole letter was like reading the Psalms! Honestly! I have been reading Psalms 1-5 aloud a lot recently and your letter sounds like it fits. Because like the laments and praises of the Psalms your letter exposes the heart of a worshiper. A HUMAN worshiper. A God-follower.

    Then the OTHER thing I want to say is this: It sounds like “a-good- time-to-sit-in-a-closet-with-an-empty-bowl-in-your-hands” kind of week!
    (Does that make sense? :)…….)

    Live Loved. Just like you ARE!


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