These last days have been good and hard and encouraging and beautiful and bittersweet.
A couple of months ago after long talks with my Brian, aching prayers with my God, heart-to-hearts with my children, and deep discussions with close friends, we made the choice for me to stop working.
Tomorrow will be last day doing the work I have loved with the people I still love, so that I can be home full-time and give my full energy to the ones I love deepest. My children asked me to stop. They want a mother who is there for them when they get home from school, who can take them to the library and the pool and to hang out with friends this summer. They want me present in their lives and at their games and programs and field trips.
I have loved my job. It has filled a necessary role these past three and a half years. When the cancer diagnosis returned for the fifth time, we agonized over whether I should keep working. Would I even be able to physically? I hung in there for another year and a half, still loving my work but finding it harder and harder to continue.
The decision is good. I am looking forward to having more energy to pour into my home.
The decision is scary. My co-workers have been a deep community for me, and I fear that loss. I fear the isolation that cancer brings.
The decision is bitter. I am grieving this loss. I am giving up something I love because of a disease I hate.
The decision is sweet. I am giving up something I love for the someones I love infinitely more.
The decision is exciting. We are looking forward to lazy days of summer together, to weekend trips and RV adventures, to the beach and to curling up on quiet days with movies and books and each other.
On Monday, my co-workers took me to lunch and showered me with words of encouragement. I was utterly overwhelmed by God’s grace to me in them. I have been beyond blessed… and I’m thankful this leaving isn’t because of something that is taking me away from these friendships. Their kindness to me is never-ending, of that I am sure.
We are grateful.
The future always feels so tenuous with us, but we are excited for what it could hold.
“Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don’t really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren’t really an ending; some things are never-ending.”
(~C. JoyBell C.)