And Still We Wait

I’ve waited to write about this, because sometimes I want to ask, “Really? Do y’all really want to know what’s going on with a silly old kidney stone?” I also wait to write, because I need time to process with my closest friends before I put my “news” out there in the blogosphere. I sat with a friend last night and we both just shook our heads together at what feels like the ridiculousness of one. more. thing. for me to deal with. I’m finding myself holding things closer and closer these days, needing time and space to pray and breathe in my weariness.

But I also know there are many of you that want to know how to encourage and pray… and so I share.

This waiting continues.

Thursday I spent my morning at the hospital having an x-ray and then meeting with the doctor to discuss my kidney stone. Turns out it doesn’t show up on the x-ray, which made me want to squeal like a little child. Then the doctor told me it could still be there and the x-ray just didn’t pick up on it.

Really?

I felt deflated. Weariness washed over me.

While all my tests seem clear, there is the possibility the kidney stone is still there, so I have an appointment in a month for an ultrasound and follow-up to determine if it’s gone or not and whether there might be blockages. It can take 2 weeks or 2 months for stones to pass. Fortunately, I rarely have pain which I find to be a good sign. Unfortunately, I remain in the twilight zone for another month.

Yes.

Weary.

This is so small in the grand scheme of things. I realize that. But y’all, I’m so tired of tests and procedures and waiting… of wondering if this relates to my cancer in any way… of fearing for what they might find on a kidney ultrasound

Instead of squealing like a little child, I want to throw a tantrum like a little child.

But I will just drink my lemon water and wait.

And trust.

Our God hasn’t gone anywhere.

He is with us.

He always has been.

He always will be.

3 responses to “And Still We Wait”

  1. Dear Angie,

    I am one who is grateful to know.
    But I never,
    EVER
    want to add to your burden of having “a waiting audience.”

    I so “get” the need for private processing.
    Why do you think I love my closet and the empty earthen bowl so very much!?
    Do I feel silly sitting in the dark with raised hands, empty, but for the empty bowl they hold?
    Yes.
    But sometimes there is no better posture for my waiting-for-an-answer-from-God heart.
    I do not know if you have that earthen bowl. Or what use it serves in your home. But I would like to encourage you to consider sitting with it. Empty. In your empty hands. And ASK God for some answer. Perhaps one to a question you are asking. But be aware (as you surely are!) that He will sometimes give an answer to one of the questions you are not asking. 🙂 He’s like that sometimes. ❤

    Prayers for you from here today.
    (And I am hopeful that the tiny BOULDER is G.O.N.E.!)

    Like

  2. My precious one,

    Thanks be to God that He will cause ALL things to work together for our good. We have been called according to His purpose and are predestined to be more like His Son. To God be the glory for His grace that sustains us.

    Love and blessings,
    Judie

    Like

  3. Tish Twomey-Smith Avatar
    Tish Twomey-Smith

    Sometimes throwing a tantrum like a little child is completely warranted and feels really dang good, too. Maybe you should invite the kids for a tantrum party. Get everybody together, say all the things that are frustrating you (or just say “we all have some things, and it doesn’t matter what they are”) and then everybody gets to stomp and holler and wail and thump the floor with their fists until you all make each other laugh.

    Like

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