I’ve waited to write about this, because sometimes I want to ask, “Really? Do y’all really want to know what’s going on with a silly old kidney stone?” I also wait to write, because I need time to process with my closest friends before I put my “news” out there in the blogosphere. I sat with a friend last night and we both just shook our heads together at what feels like the ridiculousness of one. more. thing. for me to deal with. I’m finding myself holding things closer and closer these days, needing time and space to pray and breathe in my weariness.
But I also know there are many of you that want to know how to encourage and pray… and so I share.
This waiting continues.
Thursday I spent my morning at the hospital having an x-ray and then meeting with the doctor to discuss my kidney stone. Turns out it doesn’t show up on the x-ray, which made me want to squeal like a little child. Then the doctor told me it could still be there and the x-ray just didn’t pick up on it.
I felt deflated. Weariness washed over me.
While all my tests seem clear, there is the possibility the kidney stone is still there, so I have an appointment in a month for an ultrasound and follow-up to determine if it’s gone or not and whether there might be blockages. It can take 2 weeks or 2 months for stones to pass. Fortunately, I rarely have pain which I find to be a good sign. Unfortunately, I remain in the twilight zone for another month.
This is so small in the grand scheme of things. I realize that. But y’all, I’m so tired of tests and procedures and waiting… of wondering if this relates to my cancer in any way… of fearing for what they might find on a kidney ultrasound
Instead of squealing like a little child, I want to throw a tantrum like a little child.
But I will just drink my lemon water and wait.
Our God hasn’t gone anywhere.
He is with us.
He always has been.
He always will be.