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Look What God Did
Two months ago, while I was undergoing radiation, I learned of a friend who had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She led me in Bible study several years ago, and I was always amazed by her knowledge and her heart. She had such an easy way about her, and her gentle demeanor enveloped each of us as we sat together and shared in God’s Word. Then we lost touch. My heart broke when I heard of her diagnosis as it always does whenever I hear of another’s battle. I prayed and prayed for her, and I asked God that as I went through radiation I would see her in the waiting room of the cancer center while she waited for her chemo. It never happened. I stopped praying about it. I prayed faithfully for her healing and strength, but that was all.
Six weeks after radiation finished I went back for my follow-up visit. As I signed my name on the very long, heart-breaking list, my knees went weak. There scrawled in tiny black letters was her name. Tears filled my eyes as I turned and saw her sitting with her husband. I went to her, both of us barely recognizable to the other. The moments in the lobby were far too short as we shared our stories, ached for each other’s pain, and whispered sweet God blesses. I went to my van after my appointment and wept my thanks to God for bringing our paths together for that moment.
This past week, Bri and I went to a Recovery Group at the hospital. As we walked in the doorway the first face I saw was my dear mentor. Our hugs were not long enough. Our pain is deep. But it is shared. “Oh, how I have been praying for you!” she exclaimed. My reply, “God is hearing our prayers for each other.” Bri and I sat down, my hand wrapped tightly in his arm where it fits so well. Deep sighs and a big smile as I leaned close to his ear, “Look what God did!” I whispered. His forehead meets mine as we each silently reflect on God’s ways.
God’s higher ways. He always answers prayer. I just assumed the answer was “no” this time. Then He surprised me with His timing. And while I don’t understand the bigger picture and my mind often reels with questions, the truth remains the same. My prayers never fall on deaf ears. He knew the perfect time and place for us to reunite even for a moment.
Thank you, Lord, for your heart for me. Thank you that you love to delight with surprises. Thank you that you hear and answer prayer. I ask humbly for the grace to accept your will even when the answer is “no”. Thank you that your wisdom is so much more than I can even begin to understand, and that in your wisdom, your timing is perfect in my life.
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Thankful Bits
More thankful bits of my days…
Kissable toes that run barefoot through summer’s grass.Story time at the library. Making new friends.
Sweet snuggles. Arms that are never empty. Hands never too full to hug.
Coffee in a mug half-full. Thank you that my life is even fuller.Going on a bear hunt…
Water. Refreshment. Drinking life. Quenching thirst. Do I thirst for You?Heroes.
Thoughtful meanderings through dandelion remnants. Hands bringing me weeds. Eyes seeing flowers.
Lord, search my heart. Jesus, thank You for Your vision. For hope. Thank You that You see flowers in our weeds.
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Day’s Beginnings
I read this on Ann’s blog this week, and it was so rich and so convicting.
“Eternal Father of my soul,let my first thought today be of You,
let my first impulse be to worship You,
let my first speech be Your name,
let my first action be to kneel before You in prayer….
Yet let me not, when this morning prayer is said,
think my worship ended
and spend the day in forgetfulness of You.”
~John Baillie
Lord, may my every breath bring You glory today for that is my chief end.
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Wednesday Worship: Glory
Life has been overwhelming this week. I have ached and groaned with the longings of Romans 8:23 for the redemption of my body. I have struggled through the chaos and clutter of the world and my inabilities and frustrations. I have wept with the pains of a dear friend who is suffering loss upon loss in her life. And I have questioned. When will it end? When will this pain and heartache and struggle and trial end?
There are times I struggle to believe that my loving, gracious God would allow me to ache like this. It has been a week where I feel like giving up. On everything. It would be so easy to curl up in my weakness and pain and hide away from it all. I’ve learned to be real with God these past months, and I have told Him a hundred, no a million, things I would have done differently for my friends and me. But He reminds me of the one thing He would never have done differently. The cross. My Jesus has borne my sorrows and my griefs. He has carried the burdens of my friends.
Selah’s song, Glory, carries the ache of longing and the joy of promise. Listening to this song over and over has brought peace in the midst of a chaotic and overwhelming week. My pain is not going to go away overnight. And when these struggles are a thing of the past, new struggles will take their place. That’s the reality of living in a fallen world. But the larger reality is that I know the end of the story. His gift. His promise. My future. His glory.
One day eyes that are blind will see you clearly
And one day all who deny will finally believe
One day hearts made of stone will break in pieces
And one day chains once unbroken will fall down at your feet
So we wait for that one day come quicklyChorus
We want to see your Glory
Every knee falls down before thee
Every tongue offers you praise
With every hand raised
Singing Glory
To you and unto you only
We’ll sing Glory to Your nameOne day voices that lie will all be silent
One day all that’s divided will be whole again
One day death will retreat and wave it’s white flag
One day love will defeat the strongest enemy
So we wait for that one day come quicklyWe want to see your Glory
Every knee falls down before thee
Every tongue offers you praise
With every hand raised
Singing Glory
To you and unto you only
We’ll sing Glory to Your nameWe know not the day or the hour
Or the moments in between
But we know the end of the story
When we’ll see
your Glory
Every knee falls down before thee
Every tongue offers you praise
With every hand raised
Singing Glory
To you and unto you only
We’ll sing Glory to Your name.Amen and amen. What are you clinging to this week?
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Adventures
Saturday found us spending the afternoon surrounded by the beauty of God’s creation. It was my first time back in the TRUCK off-roading, and it was wonderful.
We followed some trails in the National Forest,
met some hardcore off-roaders who spoke a language with Bri that left me dumbfounded,
drove through the river,
threw rocks and waded in the freezing water,
held on for dear life (well, at least Audrey and I did),
got quite muddy (Bri managed to spray mud through the sunroof),
enjoyed hanging out with friends,
and saw Smokey the Bear.
Best of all, I was able to soak it all in and watch the faces of my children as they lived life. Now that’s beauty!
I know I say it a lot, but I love living here! I’ll never be convinced that there’s a better place on earth. I am breathing thanks for a sweet time with my family… every day is a day to share and delight in them and in all that God has given us.You can enjoy all our pics in the gallery, just don’t get jealous.
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My Father’s World
This is my Father’s world
and to my listening ears,
all nature sings and ‘round me rings
the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world,
I rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas,
His hand, the wonders wrought.
This is my Father’s world,
the birds, their carols raise,
the morning light, the lily white
declare their maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world,
He shines in all that’s fair.
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass,
He speaks to me everywhere.
This is my Father’s world,
oh let me ne’er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world,
the battle is not done.
Jesus, who died, shall be satisfied
and earth and heaven be one.
(Maltbie D. Babcock)Thank you, Lord, for your beauty, for speaking to me everywhere, for small tastes of the unity of heaven and earth. How I long for that day!
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Precious Reminders
Learning to do cartwheels. Falling. Laughing. Picking ourselves back up again.
Posies in the yard. Pink blossoms filling my home with their sweet fragrance. Am I the fragrance of Christ?
Sunny days. Climbing on swing sets. Riding on bikes. Time together just being.Playing peek-a-boo. Somehow it never gets old.
Voices floating down from the loft: Come Thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace…The faces of my children. I could gaze at them all day.
Breathing prayers with my nurses before treatments. Thank you, Lord, for answering our prayers together.Play-doh creations.
Little strings on pudgy fingers. “I’m remembering that Jesus died for ME, Mommy!”
Thank you, Jesus, for precious reminders of Your love.
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Wednesday Worship: The Sands Of Time Are Sinking
When the congregation stood for the arrival of the bride, I watched as they waited for that first glimpse. I knew she was coming, but couldn’t see because of the people around us. Necks craning, heads bent, the crowd strained. Whispers of excitement. Smiles of anticipation. Then at long last her glorious beauty. She was radiant, her eyes fixed only in one place… her future husband’s.
As I watched this story unfold around me, a hymn I sang as a child came to mind: The Sands Of Time Are Sinking. It was one of my mom’s favorites, and it always brings back memories of ivory walls, antique black piano, blue Trinity hymnal and my fingers flying over the keys as mom made supper singing at the top of her lungs with tears of joy on her face (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree)… “I will not gaze at glory but on my King of Grace.”
I thought about how I strain to see Him and how glorious it will be when I finally see my Jesus’ face… only He is the bridegroom and I am the bride. I want to be transfixed with my Savior the way she could only gaze at her bridegroom. I thought about my life… has it been a well-spent journey? I thought about how glorious it is to worship Christ and drink of His beauty here on earth. How wonderful it will be to drink unceasingly of that spring of joy above.
I haven’t been able to get the words out of my head. It was written as a nineteen-stanza poem in the 1800’s by Ann Rose Cousin based on letters written by Samuel Rutherford, the persecuted Scottish minister of the 1600’s. There is the original tune (Rutherford) which I grew up singing, and there is a rewritten tune performed by Indelible Grace. (Personally, I don’t think either tune does justice to the glory of these words, so if any of you aspiring musicians want to work on a rewrite, I’m game.) I can’t stop thinking about these words: The Lamb is all the glory of Emmanual’s Land. Oh, that He would be my focus, my glory here in this pilgrim-weary land!
The Sands of Time Are Sinking
The sands of time are sinking,
The dawn of heaven breaks;
The summer morn I’ve sighed for –
The fair, sweet morn awakes:
Dark, dark had been the midnight
But dayspring is at hand,
And glory, glory dwelleth
In Emmanuel’s land.The king there in His beauty,
Without a veil is seen:
It were a well-spent journey,
Though seven deaths lay between:
The Lamb with His fair army,
Doth on Mount Zion stand,
And glory, glory dwelleth
In Emmanuel’s landO Christ, He is the fountain,
The deep, sweet well of love!
The streams on earth I’ve tasted
More deep I’ll drink above:
There to an ocean fullness
His mercy doth expand,
And glory, glory dwelleth
In Emmanuel’s land.The bride eyes not her garment,
But her dear Bridegroom’s face;
I will not gaze at glory
But on my King of grace.
Not at the crown He giveth
But on His pierced hand;
The Lamb is all the glory
Of Emmanuel’s land.How are you seeing His glory today?
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He Is Bigger
“‘Lucy,’ came the call again, neither her father’s voice nor Peter’s. She sat up, trembling with excitement but not with fear.
A circle of grass, smooth as a lawn, met her eyes, with dark trees dancing all round it. And then – oh joy! For HE was there: the huge Lion, shining white in the moonlight, with huge black shadow underneath him.
‘Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan,” sobbed Lucy. ‘At last.’
The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all round her. She gazed up into the large wise face.
‘Welcome, child,’ he said.
‘Aslan,’ said Lucy, ‘you’re bigger.’
‘That is because you are older, little one,’ answered he.
‘Not because you are?’
‘I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.’~ C.S. Lewis
I started reading the Chronicles of Narnia as a child, and I have read them every year since. Now I am watching my boys, particularly my oldest, gobble them up as Bri and I read to them each night. As I’ve gotten older and experienced life, these books have become nearer and dearer to me. What was once an exciting fantasy with a few undertones of Christ has become a series that imparts deep spiritual truths and helps me commune with my Lord.
We went to see the movie Prince Caspian this weekend, and while I am a purist and struggled through the many changes they made in dialogue and story-line, I was still able to come away from the movie moved. There were moments where I cried through scenes as the impact of the truth of the Gospel struck me. Caspian is all about faith… portraying restoration after corruption, our longing for the rightful King to be on his throne, the impact and power of spiritual warfare, and the faith to see God in the invisible. I think what struck me most was Peter’s friends in Narnia being sacrificed on the altar of his self-sufficiency. While the battle scene at Miraz’s castle is not actually part of the book, the underlying theme is. Peter is trying to be king. He is relying on himself and his past strengths, and it makes me think of the Apostle Paul who says, “When I will to do good, evil is present.”
Later in the book when Aslan asks Caspian if he is up to the task of being king and Caspian admits he doesn’t feel ready, Aslan replies, “If you had found yourself sufficient, it would have been a proof you were not.” How I love this quote! I so often look to myself to get through the day, to get through life. As I have suffered through the pain, heartache, mental and spiritual struggles of the past months, I have been so completely devoid of any of my own ability. It has been a fierce wake-up call in my heart that I need Him for every moment, every breath, every heartbeat. I am not sufficient. Only He is worthy.
I am filled with the longing that is so evident in Lewis’ writings… the longing for the buried truth of the Gospel to rise to light in our country, the longing for Satan’s power to be crushed in this world, the longing for the battle-perseverance to fight sin, the longing to see Christ whether He is visible or not, the longing to run to my Savior and bury my face in His chest just as the children bury their face in Aslan’s mane. He is delighting in me and longs to be with me. He is sufficient and He alone. He is here. He is present. He is with me.
And as I gaze at Him, He grows bigger with every heartbeat.
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Heart Smiles
From Ash while holding my hand and walking through store aisles:
Mom? When I can read better, I know what I’m going to do.
What’s that, buddy?
Read Narnia all day long!
From Micah while eating his bagel and oatmeal:
Mommy? Let’s pretend our whole house is a ship and there’s no roof on it and we got hit by lightning and we sank and now we’re eating underwater.
From Audrey while holding new play-doh canisters we bought at the store today:
Mommy? Baby happy! Pway!
From Me while wiping away the tears:
Thank You, Jesus, for good books, imaginations, and new games to play. Thank You, most of all, for these heart smiles you’ve given me today.
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A Spring of Joy 