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THIS Is Why I Won’t Plant A Garden
Some of you will look at this and think, “BANG!”
Others will cry, “Mother? Mother?” like Bambi in an attempt to make me cry yet again over a movie I’ve watched a hundred times.
I; however, love the fact that I can wake up on crisp, fall mornings, as tendrils of fog swirl around the trees, slip out onto my deck to breathe it all in, and see this.
Anytime I’ve considered planting a garden I hesitate, because I know the deer and bunnies will nibble away at it, and I don’t want to dislike them. They are such a part of my world, greeting me throughout the days, and I am thankful for another day that God has given me to revel in His creation.
This weekend we celebrated my birthday. As I thought about this past year, I realized I’m not really thinking about getting older. And I don’t really care if I’m getting older. I’m just thankful that I have had another year to live and celebrate the moments of life by sharing in the life around me, and all my little backyard friends.
So, in the words of Bambi’s mother, “Everything in the forest has its season. Where one thing falls, another grows. Maybe not what was there before, but something new and wonderful all the same.”
It’s all so truly new and wonderful and beautiful, isn’t it?
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Can Unicorns Fly? (And Other Ramblings)
Some random thoughts, stories, musings and catching up, because life has been so busy.
1. The boys went on a camping trip with Brian and Asher’s school last Friday. The days leading up to it were exciting as they discussed sleeping bags and tents and made Bella cry every time they talked about it because she couldn’t go. Every day Bear would ask me if the camping trip was tomorrow. Finally on Thursday, I was able to say, “Yes, Bear, you’ll go camping tomorrow.” Friday dawned crisp and cool. Bear emerged from his nightly hibernation, rubbing his eyes, and shuffled over to lean against my leg, little green blankie in tow. “Mom,” he looked up, sleepy green eyes filled with excitement, “Today is tomorrow.” Oh, how I love that bear!
2. Due to the camping trip, Bella and I got to have a girls’ night, and no girls’ night is complete without painted toenails. So, after pizza with friends, jammy-time (complete with my “jammy-time” break-down thanks to MC Hammer), and snuggling, we curled up together and polished away. She’s pink and I’m purple, her two favorite colors.
3. The car talk in our carpool is quite interesting and pretty much constant; however, whenever Bri drives he informs me the kids don’t talk. Of course, that afternoon I got in the van and found the radio blaring NPR. Great. So, my hubby keeps the kids quiet by filling their minds with liberal garbage. However, Courtney (one of the other moms in our carpool) is okay with this, because she has a great documentary on Ronald Reagan we can make all the kids sit through in order to deprogram them.
4. While we’re on the topic of car talk, can anyone tell me if unicorns fly or not? I claim they cannot. That pegasus (just what is the plural of pegasus? pegasi? pegasuses?) are the winged horses that can fly. However, I was promptly scolded with, “MOOOOM, unicorns are magical creatures that have a horn and wings and they fly, too. I saw it on Dora.” Well, apparently, I am letting my kids play too many Dora computer games.
5. As for Dora. Poor Bear learned the hard way that he’s the little guy when he was informed by our carpool buddies that Dora was too babyish to watch anymore. Being 4 years old is rough. So this afternoon he asked me if he could watch TeleTubbies. WHAT?! How does he know these things? And better yet, WHY? Please, tell me WHY would anyone allow their kids to suffer through that show?
6. Labor Day weekend which was way too many weeks ago we spent the weekend with Bri’s family in WVA near the New River Gorge. Nine grandchildren, of which our Ash is the oldest. Does that tell you anything? It really was a wonderful time.
7. Yet another wedding of one of my Bible study girls, and it was so sweet. Outdoors on a farm complete with an indoor barn reception, it had the Martha flair. And the Martha beauty. I boo-hooed like a baby (so what else is new?).
8. Y’all know how much I love to drive Bri’s monstrosity, er,
redneck truckjeep. Today I was given the pleasure yet again. Nothing like bouncing down the road, kids in tow, trying to figure out how to work the stereo without taking a hand off the steering wheel, because y’all, I am terrified of driving that vehicle with one hand. I finally get the radio on and start scanning, because I refuse to listen to NPR’s liberal garbage (see point #3 above).Unfortunately, concentrating on keeping the beast from overturning because I’m so high off the ground, left me forgetting the radio, and it wound up on some station I never listen to. Then I heard “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing start playing. And I couldn’t figure out how to turn the station! All I could think about were the little ears in the back seat asking me what it meant to fantasize. When I finally figured out how to change the station (at the end of the song!), I heard the DJ come on and say, “Family friendly music you can listen to anytime. Light rock that won’t embarrass you or your kids.” WHAT the heck? Then I heard Bear’s voice from the back say, “Mom, was that song about a tiger? He had hungry eyes.” Yeah. Something like that.
9. Ash is learning so much in school, and every day he comes home and tells me all about it in 5 words or less. Oh, he’s a talker, that one. But he still loves school. Well, now he only likes school. He informed me on Monday that he misses me too much during the day to love school anymore. He sure knows how to win this momma’s heart!
10. I am now wearing mascara. Yes, there are some lashes finally, and that makes me a very happy woman.
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It’s Autumn!
As Winnie-The-Pooh would say…
“Time for hot chocolatey mornings, toasty marshmallow evenings, and best of all for leaping in leaves!”
Happy Fall everyone!
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Greeted By Miracles
“Oh give thanks to the unfathomable… whose miracles greet us every morning.” (from Stephen Mitchell’s Book of Psalms)The exuberance of my Buddy, the imagination of my Bear,
the spirit of my Bella… gifts of joy from His hands.
Autumn’s chill and the fragrance of wood-smoke.
Playing chase and capturing laughs.
Bible study girls!
Trying new recipes. And laughing (crying sometimes) at the disasters.
Planning parties for friends with friends.
Football season and tailgating.
Whole wheat blueberry pancakes topped with warm maple syrup.
Holding a sleepy Bear on a chilly morning.
Generations. A grandfather performing the ceremony. A father praying.
A beautiful bride following in their footsteps.
Quiet times with Jesus watching the world around me awaken.
Visits from far-away friends.
Week’s end. Finished schoolwork. Time for family fun.
Fall flowers decorating my deck and the joy of planting them with my mom.
Caramel vanilla lattes. Inhaling the steamy aroma. Tasting the richness.
The sweetness of kisses.
Learning manners.
Girls’ night with Bella. Pizza, painted toenails and shopping trips.
Reciting prayers with my children. Ancient words that still ring true.
My head on Bri’s shoulder as if it was molded just for me.
Comebacks! JMU, 35 – App. State, 32
Hand-me-downs filled with pink pants.
Reminders of God’s goodness by faithful friends.
He owns the cattle on a thousand hills!
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Wednesday Worship: This Is Our God
Imagine with me for a moment… heart longings.
Adam and Eve. Just banished from the Garden of Eden. They’ve given up paradise in order to have the “eyes to see like God”, and instead they’ve found their own sin, nakedness and shame. And they work. Work that’s never been difficult before, only joyful. Now there is pain. There are thorns that inflict wounds on hands and arms. There is childbirth… the highest of joys mingled with the strongest of pain. And there is the agony of watching one of your own children murder his brother. What must swirl through their minds? And their hearts? The agony of all they’ve given up–for this?
Yet, God promises them salvation. A redeemer. I wonder what it must have been like for them to wait.
Imagine Adam, stopping his gardening to wipe sweat from his brow and stare up into the sky. Heaving a sigh as he longs for redemption.
Imagine Abraham trudging wearily mile after mile, knowing he’s been promised a heritage vaster than the stars in the sky. Did he stop to stare at those stars and long for redemption?
Imagine David sitting on his throne, King of all Israel. Imagine the memories and shame that must send him reeling. Does he bow his head and weep as he longs for redemption?
Imagine Peter sitting cross-legged in the sand by the Sea of Galilee. Do you think he ever just sat and gazed out at the water and longed for the one that had been promised for years?
Imagine what it is like in the world today. A small child caught in middle of an ugly divorce, cringing at night as she hears her parents fight. A single mom battling the streets of the inner city for the life of her children. Victims of natural disasters losing everything they own, perhaps everyone they love, staring at the refuse that used to be home. The childless couple being denied adoption rights and knowing they will spend their lives in a home where no childish laughter screams. The politician who’s filled his life with himself and women and alcohol. The man or woman down the street who runs after education or money thinking that will satisfy.
Imagine their longing.
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The refuge for the poor
A shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears
And return your wasted years
This is our God
So call upon His Name
He is mighty to save
This is our GodA father to the orphan
a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness
and comfort in our sadness
This is our God
This is our GodSo call upon his name
He is mighty to save
This Is Our GodThis is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our GodA fountain for the thirsty,
A lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble
And crowns for the faithful
This is our God
So call upon His Name,
He is mighty to save
This is our GodSo call upon his name
He is mighty to save
This Is Our GodThis is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God(2001. Written by Chris Tomlin & Jesse Reeves.
Found on his This Is The Noise We Make album)This is our God.
Mary felt that longing and held its promise in her arms. That promise offered His life and His perfection by stretching out His arms to us on the Cross. Those arms are open to hold us today, and resting in those arms will fulfill every longing we could ever know.
He is the one we have waited for.
Wait no more.
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Nursery Rhyme Re-Write
Yesterday after supper, Bri was cleaning up our little two-year-old. During our meal we always share what we’ve learned and done that day, so Audrey was telling her daddy all about what she had learned.
“Daddy, Humpty Dumpty sat on wall.”
“Oh, really? Then what did he do?”
“Had a faaaallllllll.”
“Then what?”
She looked at him quizzically. “He had a faaaalllll.”
“I know. But who fixed him? Who put him back together again?”
“Dora and Boots!”
Hmmmm… is this a sign my kids are spending too much time playing Dora The Explorer computer games?
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Delving Into Shower-World
Now that our oldest has decided to go and grow up on me, he’s also shown an affinity for taking showers. Swimming lessons taught him how much he loves to dump water on his head, and showering is an opportunity to be completely covered in water, head to toe. Not to mention it is something his siblings can’t do, and he is always looking for ways to be different from them.
As for me, as silly as it may seem, it’s another *sigh* in my world of letting go. While, yes, it makes my life simpler task-wise, it pulls on my heart-strings to see him growing up even more. He is excitedly grasping his independence, and loves to show us what he can do on his own. Even though it hurts some, my heart delights in his new-found freedoms because I see how much it brings him joy.
Last night he was so itchy from being outside (and his grass allergies) that he sat down for supper then begged to eat later and go take a shower, because he was miserable. A few minutes later, his little wet form appeared, tromping down the stairs in a twisted towel, shivering. I went to him, helped him straighten his towel, patted him and said, almost without thinking, “Mmmm, you smell good.”
He grinned and looked up at me. “Can I take a shower every night, so I’ll always smell good for school and church?”
I think I heard Brian snort, but I’m unsure.
Figuring I’ll take all I can get now, I told him he most certainly could do that. Besides, I’m not about to tell my little man he’s still using Johnson & Johnson’s No Tears Baby Shampoo.
I wonder how long this will last?
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We Are The Dukes Of JMU!
Why is it that The Fight Song never gets old?
JMU 52, UMass 38
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Holding Off Treatment
Yesterday I arrived at the cancer center for my herceptin and cyberknife treatment. (A quick refresher: herceptin focuses on a protein in my cells. That protein, HER2, was present in my tumor. The idea is to kill off that protein in my body. In doing so, it has been proven to reduce risk of recurrence by 15%.) It is a year long treatment which I’ve been having every three weeks since last November, and I’ve been counting down the months, now the weeks, until this is over. “Soon,” I thought, “will be the last one, and I will be done with treatment.” I have held onto Thanksgiving and Christmas as my freedom celebrations to come.
I thought wrong. It seems the herceptin has damaged my heart, so they are holding off on treatment for now. For now. Those words hung in the air like humidity on a 100 degree southern summer day. My world reeled as I tried to grasp what this meant.
For those of you wondering what kind of damage… in rare cases, herceptin can cause congestive heart failure. That is why I was having periodic heart scans to monitor whether or not damage was occurring. Well, it occurred. The doctor said I would probably not feel anything from it, that there was a drop in my scan, but to be on the safe side they didn’t want to do any more treatment for a while. In six weeks they will do another heart scan to see if my heart has strengthened. If so, then they will start treatment back up again. If not… well, I’m still uncertain of the if not.
My sweet friend, Barb, was with me yesterday, and I am so thankful she was; I needed her eyes to see beyond my circumstances. To see beyond the fear of my heart weakening and the frustration of my life returning to limbo for a while. “Isn’t God good?” she smiled, “Years ago they may not have known to check your heart. Now, they can stop before any further damage is done.” I needed to have her reminder that God is in these details.
Through the night my thoughts were frenetic as I tried to grasp and answer the questions that swirled through my mind. Everything from, “What if I don’t get to finish treatment? What does this mean for future recurrence?” To, “Does this mean I won’t be able to go amusement parks and ride on roller coasters with my kids?”
I thought of the line from one of our favorite Caedmon’s Call songs, Hold The Light. “Jacob wrestled the angel, but I’m too tired to fight.” That is how it feels right now. I cried all afternoon yesterday, not even sure what emotions I was having or how to even process the discouragement and disappointment. I’m still in the place of wrestling this morning. The thing is, this could be the end of treatment. If my heart remains damaged, they won’t continue, so it all may be over. It’s the not knowing that causes me to struggle.
And once again I’m holding my open hands to the Lord saying, “Take everything. In surrendering all I am surrendering my treatment, my future, my questions to You.” And He is able. In all His wisdom, glory, strength, grace and compassion, He hasn’t made a single mistake yet. And He’s not going to make one now.
He holds my heart in His hands… in more ways than one.
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Where Were You?
I was at a bagel shop meeting with my discipler, Angie P., when friends told us what had happened. Pregnant with our oldest child, I couldn’t fathom the disaster of 9/11. I can still feel his little body moving underneath my hand, a hand that automatically rose to my belly when I heard of the horror of that day. I marvel that it’s been seven years, yet it still seems so fresh, so real. And I draw my children a little closer into my arms again today to remember. And I pray for those whose scars will always be fresh and real.
Where were you?
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A Spring of Joy 